[april fool 2003] Hikki Files For Divorce
 

**HIKKI FILES FOR DIVORCE WITH KIRIYA KAZUAKI**

In a bizarre situation for everyone involved, Utada Hikaru (20) has abruptly filed for divorce from Kiriya Kazuaki (34). The couple got married on September 2002 and were "very happy" by all accounts, when lawyers from Utada Hikaru apparently contacted Kazuaki with the papers. "Irreconcilable differences" were cited.

The whole affair apparently began the night of the Gold Disk Award, during which Utada Hikaru won the 'Best Artist of the Year' title. During Utada's performance after that, Kiriya was overheard to say that Ai Kago of Morning Musume looked "extremely attractive".

Kiriya apparently drank himself into a stupor later that evening, and
it wasn't long before his purported sex-addiction returned in full-force as he was apparently "making moves" on everyone from Misia to Namie Amuro to Gackt at the post-award party later that night. The only comment that Gackt had about the situation was that his fans, whom he regarded as 'his dears' has "nothing to worry about".

Later that evening, Utada Hikaru walked in on Kazuaki in his bedroom room, and was shocked to find him playing 'Kingdom Hearts' on the Playstation 2 with Ayumi Hamasaki watching. Hikaru apparently broke out into tears right then and there, and apparently "lost it".

A close friend said, "I've never seen Hikki this upset in my life. She wasn't even this upset when she found out how old Kazuaki really was. She cried all night and woke up the next day to find the entire Morning Musume group playing her Playstation 2 with Kiriya." Kiriya's publicist didn't have anything to say today, but did offer this bit of advice to the public: "Playing a game which your wife did the theme song for is a bad way to bag a woman, especially if this woman is your wife's archrival."

Kiriya's publicist was apparently fired after that statement, but his new publicist quickly retorted with a follow-up statement to "clean up" Kiriya's public image: "My client, Kiriya Kazuaki, is an addict. He loves women, he loves sex, he loves booze, but most of all...he loves Playstation 2 and when you mix them all together like that...well, you've seen the results first-hand yourselves. Kiriya wishes Utada Hikaru all the best, but admits that he won't miss her much."

Utada's publicist would only say: "Hikki is devastated today because her marriage is over, but even worse than that, she's devastated because she never signed a prenuptial agreement when she first fell in love with this clown, and therefore, cannot collect on the times that she babysat him, brought his food or cleaned up his puke. Hikki is hoping that this divorce will allow her to forget the bad times with Kiriya Kazuaki, and remember that she is still a very beautiful young woman."

The whole thing is actually very sad because the couple seemed to be the "perfect" pair in the Japanese entertainment industry. Catching up with Kiriya after his netball match last night, a photographer managed to snap a picture of Kiriya flipping him the bird, along with a choice mix of words to the effect of: "Yeah, why don't you bring that f**kin' camera over here so that I could stick it up your f**kin' ***hole, you f**kin' piece of *****!" Kiriya's publicist would only say of the incident: "Kazuaki is always drunk when he plays tennis. Also, his trophy wife just left him...cut the man some slack, you jerks."

Kiriya Kazuaki is about to make his directing debut in the animated film 'Shinzou Ningen Kyashan' later this year. Utada Hikaru is currently taking a break from all these by having a vacation in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, where the queen of Jpop has already been seen around town with a local famed fanfiction writer and owner of a great mailing list called Precious Speed ML. Edmund Yeo (19) (a.k.a. Eliar Swiftfire), the man with whom she has been spotted would only say this about the affair: "Mwahaha! April Fool, y'all!"

source: Precious Speed ML

credit: jpopmusic

...isn't it shocking? too good to be true?


well it isn't true!!! april fools guys....... :P i actually believed it for a second...until they started talking about ayu and amuro and gackt...hahahah

Hahahahahahhahaha:roflmao you little :curse :trout hahaha but it was a good one.Hahaha I kinnda figured out that it was a joke when I came to that Ayumi hamasaki part.

"it wasn't long before his purported sex-addiction returned in full-force as he was apparently "making moves" on everyone from Misia to Namie Amuro to Gackt at the post-award party later that night."

Gackt? lol... what a weirdo...

But what's with all these April 1st jokes? That one seemed pretty unbelievable... I mean, why would she be upset because Ayu and Momusu playing her Ps2? lol...

April fools is official stupid, hahhahahhahhahahha. That's the second shocking article I read that turned out to be april fools!!!! hahahahhahah

The sad thing is, this story is actually believable! lol I wouldn't be too surprised to find them divorced soon. She's too young, lol.

LOL!! that was funny lol gackt lol makimg moves omg lol! funny or wot! haha thanks:P

That had me worried for a while then. I honestly did think it was true :laugh.
however, i also think that the marriage may not last too long. Hikki is indeed still young and having to be tied down to one man at that age must be bad.

LOL.. heh.

but honestly though, i am the type who doesn't go for older older guys. why? because a woman as young as hikki, and her husband at 34, they have different needs. well, that's what i've learned, lol. but i'm happie wit my boi!

Making moves on Gackt?! that's hilarious! but it started to get strange when there were a bunch of people playing playstation 2

Funny Joke imagina! :laugh :laugh :laugh

this is hilarious! like everyone else said, the first paragraphy was beleivable, but after that, it started to get hilarious!

*Snort* Way to keep the forum exciting! :laugh

hehehehe...LOL....man...i was like "really?" when i first saw the topic and actually believed it until the second paragraph......hehehe...cool.

Torie!That scared the crap out of me!You are so evil!I wanted to cry for Hikki really bad!

hahahaha that was a good one!

Thnx for the info

arhhhhh...... i thout it was true.... actually he wasn't.... hEeee~

wow u almost got me..i nearly felt for the joke
but when i see a group of ppl playin the ps2 and instead of kindom hearts why not ffx-2........
nice joke

what ??? shocking !!!!!

WHA YOU SCARED ME!!! How could he do that to namie, misia... and GACKT!?!? *gackt would have performed his karate and judo arts on him already*

"..The only comment that Gackt had about the situation was that his fans, whom he regarded as 'his dears' has "nothing to worry about" --> When I read until here, I still thought it was true -_- until the ayumi hamasaki playing kingdom hearts on ps2 made me feel weird ~_~

well, it's all a bit tasteless, not as tasteless as posting that someone was murdered

Lol, I knew it had to be fake when it came to the Ayu part.. Then throwing in the Morning Musume group.. Yeah.. Too much. Lol

Scary
 

Like some ppl said it was sorta scary. Seriously man! If dat was true id be horrified! But then i didnt really believe dat he wud be playing a ps2 wih AYU watchin!!!!! Ayu's married!...... right?..... dats just sick! but it was a good joke and quite funny. Though it was quite unbelievable when a man as old as him actually got so many younger leading j-pop stars to watch him play ps2. But den again its really quite funny. :yes

hilarious, i actually thought its real

.
 

The April Fool 2003 tag ruined it for me.

lol dats such a messsed up one hah
wats with all the famous people involed heh
but it was cool i had fun reading this ^o^

You... little... -_-"
I never understood how she could marry such an old man... would be great if she was free again. But hope she's happy with what she has.

ja ne

hahaha hilarious! i tot the article felt too long and i felt that it might be fake the moment it was mentioned he made advances on gackt haha! and ayu and PS2? aha

Ditto.

that article sounded bogus anyway. thanks for sharing it though. it gave me a little laugh.