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@maikaru: Yea, I agree with you maikaru. The lyrics in English sound quite awful that way, if I may say. xD You should just change a few words around so that it has the same power as the Japanese lyrics.
@Gustave: I was refering to your lyrics. ^^ I know that you have "while you", but you should place it on the 4th line otherwise "suck your thumb" looks way too hilarious. xD "while you" isn't said in the 4th line (nor is it said anywhere else like maikaru says, but okie), but if you'd imagine the lyrics as subtitles it would be sooo weird to see "suck your thumb" as the only words. XD
But is maikaru's direct translation that bad, then?
"It won't begin with just watching,
It won't become your's.
Do you plan on doing that,
and sucking your thumb until then?"
Gustave's lyrics don't seem to be on such a level of accuracy that nothing can be changed, I think? ^^ As it doesn't say "while you".
"Nothing ever happens if you just look,
And you'll never gain anything either
Are you planning on going on like that forever while you
Suck your thumb?"
As much as your (Gustave's) translation would sound pretty, I think it's really unsuitable to have such relatively long and complicated sentences for a powerful down-to-the-point song/lyrics like Sparkle, don't you think?
itsu made soko de sou yatte
yubi o kuwaeteru tsumori
"Do you plan on doing that,
and sucking your thumb forever?"
Actually that isn't that bad, ha. Itsumade can also mean 'forever', right? I changed it to that, 'cause "until then" would indicate a point of time was specified before that sentence, and it wasn't, so that would be quite strange.
IMO anyways.
nagameru dake ja hajiman nai
kimi no mono ni wa nara nai
"It won't begin with just watching,
It won't become your's."
What's bad about that? I quite like it. Though the second sentence could be seen as random, without some word indicating that it's related to the first sentence.
"Nothing ever happens by just watching.
And it won't become yours."
Gustave's translation is fine that part, too, but to make it more powerful you have to change it into:
"Nothing ever happens by just looking,
And you'll never gain anything either"
Though, still, I think the word "either" rather removes the tempo from the lyrics, so I'd change it into:
"Nothing ever happens by just looking,
It won't become yours."
So:
"Nothing ever happens by just looking,
It won't become yours.
Do you plan on doing that,
and sucking your thumb forever?"
But assuming that what translation I prefer will be disliked by everyone else, I suppose that the original translation with just a changed word would be best?
"Nothing ever happens by just looking,
And it won't become yours.
Do you plan on doing that,
and sucking your thumb forever?"
Anyone like that better? Probably not. xD No one ever agrees with me on lyrics, but okey~.
@Rody: I wasn't talking to you....-_-;
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