Please keep in mind when reading this that it's just a theory of mine; I don't state that it's fact or anything but this is my theory, and this is how I've thought about it for a while now.
I genuinely believe that teddy bear is for her father; the way she described that night in one of her interviews years and years ago just fits the theme of teddy bear so much for me that I've come to associate the two as the same night.
As for Memorial Address; I really do believe the entire album is based on her father. I believe he came back into her life for a short amount of time, maybe out of regret of some kind, because he knew he was going to pass away soon.
ANGEL'S SONG talks about being lonely, and then someone coming into your life suddenly. It sounds more like a romantic song but it's the same sort of feeling.
Greatful Days is a summer song linked a bit with July 1st and July 1st is also rumoured to have something to do with her father. But then Greatful Days is about enjoying the summer time to the full.
Because of You she talks about the first meeting, and that maybe she knew something was wrong, and that their meeting and their relationship was somewhat temporary, and her fear of not being able to go back to the strong person she was before she met him. Not knowing her dad sort of shaped her, now that she's met him, she fears she can't go back to the time when she didn't know who he was and was strong that way.
Quote:
My love grew when we couldn't meet
My heart ached because my voice didn't reach you
I found I couldn't go back to the times
When I had not known you
Please don't smile with such sorrowful eyes
As if you were about to be broken and disappear
What can I do, my dear?
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In an interview Ayu states that she was discussing this with a friend, about not being able to go back to a time you didn't know someone. But I mean...I think that often when you discuss things with friends, you discuss their experiences also, so maybe she only mentioned her friend's side of thing, and not that the original conversation was about feelings of her own that she brought up to her friend.
Ourselves is a powerful song about the different things that different people know, and that no one person really knows everything about a person because there's always going to be a side you don't show to them.
HANABI~episode II~ She states for this song she went back to the feeling of the first HANABI; the sense of loss and hopelessness of having lost a precious person but not being able to forget them.
No way to say I believe is one of the most honest songs. She talks about that if he had not come back into her life, she wouldn't feel so helpless, like this strength she once had had disappeared or something. Of course she felt like she couldn't really convey these feelings to the world because maybe this was something she didn't want to have to tell everyone flat out.
Quote:
Though my heart is filled with feelings to convey
You see, I can't change them into words well
If I had not met you
I wouldn't even have such an embarrassing pain
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To me, the embarrassing pain would be like...being able to admit that she really loved their time together, even after the show she made of not wanting or caring of who he was. Because in truth, maybe everyone wants to know where they've come from.
forgiveness talks about that also; should she forgive him for leaving? Forgive him for coming back so suddenly? Forgive herself for letting herself get swept in?
Quote:
We start to walk
As if nothing had happened
But I remember today
That the fighting never ends
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Memorial Address is just packed with all these feelings I believe.
Quote:
I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself
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I think she had that sad dream for a reason; dreams are an extension of our deepest thoughts and feelings. The fear of losing a person that had become so dear to her was overwhelming.
Quote:
Sayonara --- You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie
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Maybe their meetings were too casual for her liking. Maybe there were still plenty of questions she wanted to ask him; the biggest one of all, had he ever loved her in the time they were apart?
Quote:
The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
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This has been linked with the date on the mirror, and the song July 1st.
Quote:
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie
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Same as earlier, did he regret coming back into her life?
And then, of course, a line that is so beautifully painful...
Quote:
Why did you do it this way
Leaving memories only to the very end?
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And it's a good question; why didn't come into her life sooner? Why did he come into her life just when his life seemed to be ending? Why couldn't he have been there for her when she needed him?