[Zeke.]

For my university writing class, we had to write a narrative paper. The requirement was that it had to have two scenes, as well as a reflection on how the story changed us / lesson learned / etc. I chose to write about my experience at Arena Tour 2008. Please have a read, I think you all would enjoy this story of mine. All the events are real, as told in descriptive narrative. I really did my best to "paint" the scenery. Let me know what you thought of it! The finalized version is due this coming Thursday, and I have emailed a copy to my professor for her thoughts on revision - so your critiques are welcome. I know it's rather long, but I assure you, it's a good read. *All lyrical translations taken from, and given credit to, http://ayumi.primenova.com/*

Independent

“I can’t believe that just happened,” I said to my friend Jean as I pulled out of the hotel parking lot. “I’m so glad I didn’t have to call my Mom! She would’ve freaked.”

You see, I had been getting myself into a lot of trouble lately. If my mother was to discover that the copy of my work schedule I had given her was fake, and that instead of working the closing shift I was actually throwing yet another party at the hotel 10 minutes down the road from my house – a party which ended with me receiving my second underage drinking fine in just under five months – well… let’s just say that it wouldn’t have been the most comfortable of conversations to endure... Especially considering it was barely two months ago when she showed up at my grandparent’s house while they were in Florida, witnessing friends of mine still partying from the night before, after I had left them and gone to work. That little boo-boo resulted in me receiving my second trespassing fine in less than three months, issued by none other than my Grandparents themselves.

“I know, thanks for letting me stay at your place,” Jean responds. “And how about those cops being the same ones who issued our trespassing fines from Grandma Death’s?!” Grandma Death’s being the group appointed name of the abandoned farmhouse at which we held my 18th golden birthday party celebration, and the subsequent Halloween party where we, along with fifty or more fellow students and classmates, were issued our first trespassing fines.

“I know! That was too funny!” It didn’t take long before we were pulling up the hilled driveway of my Mother’s perfectly rectangle, semi ranch-styled two-story house. I parked my car, a 1995 hunter green Pontiac Grand Am, and proceeded with my party pal to walk toward the front door. Through the windows, dim light flickered across the inside walls. Somebody was watching television.

Upon unlocking the door and walking in, I was able to make out my 13-year-old sister lying on the couch in the light of our 43” rear projection picture box.

“Oh my God, Molly. We just got busted by the cops.”

I must admit, there were traces of excitement within the tone of my voice, and burps of laughter escaped as the scenario replayed inside my mind. The experience having been so bizarre, the story so fresh, and her being the first to hear about it was thrilling in its own right. “We were partying at Fireside and the manager kicked open the door and was like ‘PARTY’S FUCKING OVER!’ and made us sit there while he called the cops. They gave us breathalyzers and everything! I blew zeros but they still gave me an underage ‘cause I admitted to having half a beer before they tested me,” I giggled. “They made Jean and Kim call their parents and tell them what happened, but Nelson, Chelsea, Jenny and I didn’t have to because we were all over 18.” Despite knowing I would be required to pay another fine, I was relieved – more so by the fact that my Mom would never have to find out! The feeling was that of escaping a near death experience.

Continuing on toward the doorframe of my room, I witnessed something that can only be described as utterly surreal.

As I grew closer and closer to the stairwell, a shape began to emerge from television’s glow. As my eyes slowly adjusted, the figure commenced formation, ever so gradually, from head to toe, as if being composed entirely of black magic. My stomach hit the floor, and my heart became lodged within my throat upon the great revelation. Somehow, I managed to mutter a few words. “Hi Mom…”

The attempt was made to continue walking past what felt like the Devil himself – or should I say… herself.

“SIT YOUR ASS DOWN!” my enraged mother bellowed.
I spun around and, accepting my fate, took a seat beside my sister’s feet.

“Molly, get upstairs!”
My mom was NOT fooling around. “And Jean, I don’t mean to be rude but what the Hell are you doing here?!”

The detail of what occurred next escapes my mind, however I do recall revisiting the situation during a sit-down with a more composed version of my mother the following night. She informed me that should I plan on keeping my car, not only would I be required to pay back her third of the $1,500 she put into buying the vehicle for me, but I would also have to get my own insurance plan and no longer be insured under the family name. I was distraught. The fine itself was only a minor setback, but these added expenses would surely mean my life-long dream of going to Japan after graduation would remain just that – a dream.

After receiving this news, I receded to my living quarters to contemplate the options. I would not admit defeat. Going to Japan was everything I had ever wanted, and no matter what it would take, I couldn’t give up. That was the turning point, the moment I set aside present desires of comfortability and luxury in hopes of transforming my life-long fantasy into reality.

Decisions were made: to give up my car, pack my belongings, and regain residence at my father’s place. My secondary “home” so to speak, was located just 1 ½ miles from my high school and 2 ½ miles west of my employment. Although not having means of transportation would be an inconvenience, it was an adjustment I was willing to make.

Witnessing my movement of crates filled with my belongings into our living room, my mother grew uncomfortably silent. She was left speechless. Back up the stairs she fled in search of an emotional outlet – my step-dad. This time, it was I who was hovering in the stairwell listening in on her conversation. She was sobbing, struggling with the polarity of having conflicted feelings. As a parent she felt responsibility toward standing her ground in punishment. But as a mother… as a mother she felt an overwhelming sense to rescind her ultimatum and tell me everything was going to be ok.
Expanding within my chest was a dense heaviness, for I did not want to leave her or that house. However, I understood that this decision of mine, although excruciatingly difficult, was vital on the road to fulfilling a goal I had been hard-wired to achieve since childhood.

Three months and $3,200 later, the choice I made that night was justified. There I was, walking through the Osaka-Jo Hall arena doors, in utter disbelief of what was about to unfold live, before my very eyes. Tonight, the multitude of wishes I had sent in transmission to the stars, and the infinite amount of nighttime prayers I had been whispering were about to be granted. Japan’s leading music superstar, Ayumi Hamasaki, was performing her most elaborate and extensive tour to date, 10 years after her 1998 debut, and through severe budget cuts in all portions of my life, I had acquired a pair of tickets via Yahoo! Japan auctions… for 130,000 yen. That equates to roughly 1,300 dollars in American currency.

I spot an arena employee and present my ticket to her, in regards that she may aid in pointing me in the correct direction. It’s as if I were hallucinating when she begins escorting me to a seat on the main flooring section. As we continue moving forward, fewer and fewer seats remain between the stage’s anterior and myself – my heart skipping a beat with every passing row. Progression is halted upon arrival at the fifth, and I am signaled to move inward. With the extending catwalk directly to my left, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll find myself standing less than ten feet away from the woman responsible for providing nourishment to my ears. For me, there wasn’t a soul, past or present, capable of producing music of her stature. Tailor made by the great divine as an extension of myself; I didn’t just listen to her music, I lived within it.

As fans continuously fill the space, a short Asian boy around the same age as I occupies the seat to my right. Earlier I had sold my extra ticket to a woman outside the arena for a mere $100. This lucky young man surely was delivered my spare. Shortly afterward the lights cut out, and 16,000 passionate energies are left united within a glowing sea of tour merchandized uchiwas.

The overhead screens proceed in streaming an interlude from her most recent masterpiece – a vocal-less melancholic track, consisting of echoing piano melodies. The accompanying video rolls through cover art from her musical releases throughout the years, and when the song comes to an end, all the jackets assemble in the form of her universally known artist logo: A.

“Welcome to my Asia Tour, 2008.” Her pre-recorded announcement struck me as a heated bolt of electric anticipation.

With her first held high, she ascends from a platform beneath the stage amidst a rolling haze of smoke. Six small spotlights strategically aimed toward her backside create an illusionary effect that makes it appear as if she herself is radiating light.

Hakai suru koto ni yori
「破壊する事により
souzou wa umareru to iu koto o
創造は生まれると言う事を… 」

"You know that creation comes…"

Her booming voice trails downward from the speakers with the absence of instruments. She is chanting a capella.

The five seconds of silence that followed are filled with a gradient of screams and cheers from the audience.

Kimi wa shitte ru
「君は知ってる…」

"after destruction…"

Her voice once again trailing, she slowly bows her head during another five-second spat of ‘silence.’

In an instant she raises both arms and jumps backward, cueing an explosion of fire from the stage. The empress of Japan has arrived.

14 performances later, during the encore portion of her show, Ayu and her crew commence the opening hand-clapping pattern for “Independent”, and during this song, something spectacular occurs. The entire crew runs across the stage, tossing colorful orbs into the crowd. These air-inflated, baseball-sized spheres not only adorn the logo, but are also hand-signed by Ayu herself. Catching one of these coveted treasures exemplifies the term ‘once in a lifetime’.

As the song progressed, the anxiety within my chest grew more intense. When it finally came time for the instrumental bridge, I knew that whatever happened during this segment would forever be engrained within my memory.
Ayu and her entourage skipped along the platform, each carrying a basket filled of chances. I did my best to stay alert, shifting my head in every direction, scanning the chaos for my fated opportunity. As neighboring palms filled with gold, my optimism gradually diminished.

The instrumental bridge came to a close, and I was slightly disappointed that the precious commodity had never been hurled in my direction. But the sound of screams growing in strength to my right gave new hope, and upon turning around I locked eyes with the goddess of J-pop; she was making one final round. It all came down to this pivotal moment.

I flung my mits in the air, continuously catapulting myself off the ground. I wanted her to see me. I needed her to see ME! And then, it happened. Heading straight toward me was the ultimate of fan memorabilia.

I held my hands high and took a glorious leap of faith. The globe of mystics bounced from my fingertips, and to my ultimate horror, landed directly within the grasp of a rival’s fist. The truth of the matter, is that my unfortunate fate had been sealed hours ago, when prior to entry I caved into selling my right to the thrown for $500 below market value.

As I fell from grace I angled my elbow in such a way that would surely knock this kid onto the ground, giving me chance for redemption in snatching the ball for myself. However, I was the only body to hit the floor.

Mortified the split-decision act of desperation had proven failure, I reverted my attention back toward Ayu. As an attempt to scrub clean my feelings of shame and absolute humiliation, I looked to the siren for consolation. Her undiverted gaze took me by surprise, even more so when she continued heading south. Before I knew it, her angelic figure stood hovering above me.

I was auspiciously enveloped within her aura of serenity. As she extended her wing to my wounded back, time stood still; she was gifting me the most glorious of gifts: the gift of receiving her undivided attention.

Ten seconds transpired ten minutes and I became consumed within a melting pot full of emotions. Was this really happening? I didn’t know how to react. But surely in those moments we communicated; she knew that I existed – she was made aware of my presence – and despite the complicated notion of language barriers and cultural differences, I understood her message.

boku ni wa kimi ga hitsuyou mitai de
「僕には君が必要みたいで
kimi ni mo boku ga hitsuyou nara
君にも僕が必要なら…」

"It seems like I need you
and if you need me too..."

She needed us as much as we needed her; we were her salvation, just as we she was our reason for celebration – gathered under one roof, for a single night, to revel through expression of our mutual love and gratitude; together, we created happiness.
 
Her farewell that evening came in the form of a nostalgic love song, written and dedicated to us fans, entitled “MY ALL”…

How long
Have we spent time together?

How far
Have we advanced together?

The sparkling crystals
We have left behind

Are now shining proudly here
Though they may not be perfect

Honestly
I can't say
That it was all fun and joyful
But always, I wasn't alone

I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have
A never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish

I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might

Even now, I can say definitely
That I don't have a regret

We have always fought it out
With all our might

Honestly
I had some hard nights
And days I felt unbearable
But always, I wasn't alone

I see your smile
So dear and dazzling
I'm living every day
To see the smile

I feel your love
Strong and warm
I'm feeling the selfless love
With all my senses

I want to show you a dream
I hope you will have
A never-ending and lasting dream
This is my wish

I want to protect you
Whatever may happen
I'll go on protecting you
With all my might

I think back to the night my motivational button was inadvertently pressed. Would things have been different if my mother hadn’t been eavesdropping in on my confessional? Would I have continued down the pathway of rebellion, with the naivety that everything would work out as planned? I’m almost certain of it; because as a result of my party utopia’s destruction came the creation of self-sufficiency and perseverance. It is through this transcendental experience in my life that I truly became… Independent.