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And here comes trouble lol
By the words “LOVE again”, I always imagined that you are given a second chance to live again, to start a new path, with a fresh and warm vision. LOVE in the sense of taking again the reins of your own life.
I know most fans consider this album as a love album but I feel it as the album that tells the story of an addict (it may be a sex/drugs/alcohol/food/depression etc. addiction) person who acknowledges his problem, learns how to cope with his/her own self (like a Party Queen sequel) and then overcomes it, becoming a new human at the end of the trial (more mature).
Wake me up starts the whole story with ayu admitting (people around her also adviced her) that she has a problem and she must let go of everything that’s keeping her in the state of a “sandcastle”. The methapor of the sandcastle showcases a human in a delicate state who can crumble at any breeze of the wind or at any intention of a person who would want to “enter” it ( “Anyone can enter, yet nobody can enter/ That is the fate of the sandcastle”). She still has hope (“I can still be in time”) for returning to a normal life and continues repeating the “Wake Up” line as to make sure that she isn’t retreating. The strong & sharp chorus is in opposition with the whisper-like-verses to give us a lot to think : the burdened person is contradicting oneself because she says she has the tragic fate of a sandcastle and then she screams to wake up from the nightmare. Exactly what an addict would do : she knows she has to escape but then she finds it too hard and continues in the same way. This song may apply to a love one too, at least when she’s saying “ I gotta let you go” but also, this can refer to a lot of things, like her own person – like, she’s deciding to let her old self go so she can start a new life. One of her best lyrics in the last few years.
Song 4 U is like a letter to oneself or more than that, it’s a monologue – the battle is starting. Ayu finally realizes that if she’s not going to take measures, nobody is going to do it in her place. Song 4 U in the sense of Song to myself because ayu feels indebted to the person she once was and wants to find again that personal harmony. She remembers the past in which she could say “See you tomorrow” without a second thought but now she’s stuck into darkness (“The moon and sun can’t shine anymore”). She’s scared of change because things may not go her way (“What if I make a mistake?/ What if I repeat that mistake?/ What will I do?”) but she knows that she owns that to herself (“I can fly to the sky/ As long as it’s for you”). The choruses are lead by a strong, determined voice (the same with Wake me up) – the white ayu chasing the black one (as represented in the PV too).
Missing continues the idea of Song 4 U but it’s way more bitter (especially ayu’s tone) and at the same time meditative. It’s like ayu started thinking in Wake me up about the whole situation, in Song 4 U things becoming calmer and more introspective and with Missing, she’s already in a trance, finding her inner self (in the pv she’s a pilgrim walking on a mountain in the search of peace of mind). She regrets she couldn’t say and do the things she wanted at certain moments but at the same time she’s not blaming herself anymore the same as in the past (“When I felt it, I found that I couldn’t leave you”/ When I found it, I felt like embracing you”) – it’s like this song is giving birth to a feeling of self-understanding (quite new for ayumi). Her world was falling apart, she couldn’t control hersef anymore (“Someone else’s wish takes control of my emotions”) so the only way was to stop taking all the blame.
SAKURA (I know the she said she wrote the song in her friends’ restaurant one night but she also said that various songs have various meanings) is way more laid back than Missing, blooming into a beautiful, grand chorus. This song is like a short conclusion to the previous songs, that life is so precious and ephemeral and the most important thing is : “Ah, the only thing I can do for you/ Yes, is to stay together as “us” no matter what”. So, here takes birth the union between ayu’s contradictions and distorted feelings. She is not anymore the ayumi who regrets the past and tries to survive in the present , but she managed to embrace herself, to prepare HERSELF for the main war that’s coming (to overcome the addiction – Bye Bye Darling, Snowy Kiss). Just like in reality, to overcome something this big, you have to “work” in your own terms, to understand what’s happening.
Melody is the song of goodbye (the sun sets). Ayumi finally regains “her senses” and she has arrived in this point in which she’s able to let go of the past, of her old self, of the “decayed” scenery. She sends a melody (represents her release – “Slowly, it becomes like air/ Like the flowing of wind”) to the old good days as a farewell sign. This is the beginning of a new life (“Being able to stay just as I am/ I’ve never known this comfort before”) giving her courage for what’s coming next. The acoustic vibe of the song really connects the listener to the sky methapor. One of her most recent artistic lyrics .
Bye Bye Darling/ Snowy Kiss – THE CLIMAX (the withdrawal)
(Let’s not make a confusion – ayu mentioned in S Cawaii March 2013 Edition that this is not a love song)
Like I said at the beginning of “my” story, this is the tale of an addict.
*Bye Bye Darling:
I always connected this song with feelings of confusion, pain, determination and anxiety. It’s like a big brother of Trauma – the melody is warm and uplifting but the messange is solemn, contradicting itself. Ayu’s hardest moments. She took the best decision to start a new way but now she finds herself in an unknown labyrinth with no way out (“Slowly closing my eyes/ Then slowly opening them again/ If I continue to do this/ You may just disappear”). It’s the same with an addiction – you stop harming yourself but then you face the adverse effects which can be scary in some cases (depersonalization, panic attacks etc.). The good part is that after a while they pass – what remains is up to the person’s will.
We can feel the despair and desolation in these kind of moments (“The sun will not rise again/ This long night will never see dawn”), but at the same time she’s determined to do whatever it takes as not to return to her past nightmare (“I won’t go back anymore/ Even if it spells my end”). She knows that she made so many efforts to arrive in this moment , so she can’t afford to lose everything.
*Snowy kiss:
(the pv was part of the love story trilogy but in the album, this doesn’t quite make sense as Bye Bye Darling was mentioned by ayu as not being a love song)
Whenever I listen to this song, I imagine a pacient at intensive therapy who’s fighting for his own life. So here, the will is the most important - you find the light or you gave up all. Ayu is running through her life’s labyrinth. The effects of the withdrawal are still there (“Gazing at the sinking Sun/ “Please somehow don’t leave me/ In the night’s darkness just yet”/ But the more I prayed, the faster it sunk”) and this is one of those moments in which nobody can save you BUT yourself. Sentiments of contradiction are all over the place but unlike BBD, on this song ayu is repeating in an obsessive way the word “goodbye” (asymmetric with the wake up from the beggining). She has a desperate tone through all the song, almost yelling in the chorus and the climax of the song seems like an explosion of sentiments followed by a short quiet part and then bursting again.
At the end, ayu finds the exit and falls into a deep sleep - “Just looking at your eyes, I know that you can’t speak/ So I kiss your cheek as you sleep/ After that, I will leave without leaving even footprints/ And when this snow melts, forget everything about us”. EVERYTHING’S DONE, she made it. “Snow, don’t stop, just continue to fall and pile up/ Until the path we’ve walked together can’t be seen anymore”.
(These last verses can also be interpreted to be told by ayu to her love)
For me, the footprints that are disappearing and the snow that's falling means that ayu is released from her addiction.
Sweet scar (my favorite song from LOVE again) takes us to the ethereal land. The long night is over and a nice morning is coming by, with a mature and peaceful Ayumi. She has gained experience and now she seems to understand more the meaning of loving someone. Only by loosing and sacrificing things, we become wiser and able to see how precious our life and our dearest are. The tone is a bit bittersweet, but ayu’s voice is sweeter than ever. I feel that Sweet scar is somehow in antithesis with NaNaNa. This song is also telling how in fact people are stronger than they think.
Petal continues the ethereal picture of the album. She is attracted by that flower because she saw that “It had bloomed/ Without showing even a sliver of fear”. So, she thinks of that flower as an example for her own life – instead of living in fear for what’s to come, why not embracing it (“That must surely be why/ I had been captivated by it/ Carefully giving it some water/ Let’s do that”). I also feel this song as a love song.
untitled for her...story 2 shows ayu’s emotional growth once again. Instead of the restlessness felt in “untitled I”, here we can feel the longing and nostalgy towards her lost friend. Even so, the song still has a sad note.
Gloria tells a general lesson for everybody. Humans are full of flaws (“Somehow, we forget things really quickly”/ Somehow, we get used to things easily”) and life is imprevisible, nobody knows what’s coming next and nobody is at fault either for our own falls. Still, even if we have fights, bad days and so on, we have to embrace them all because “tomorrow” they “’ll become a cheer “ for ourselves.
Ivy is the conclusion part I of LOVE again : Ayumi looks back at her whole life, conveying a felling of gratification; at the end of the song she says that the most important thing in life is to spend our time smiling and loving.
You & Me is the song that started the whole era. I find it as a mixture of nostalgy towards the old good days and joy & curiosity towards a new life, a new love. A lovely summerish song.
Ayumi is a new person who once again will open her heart, take risks and enjoy brightful days.
……
“That summer, we went all out, our suntanned skins pressed close
Even if we screamed or cried, we just wanted to reach the other”.
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