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Well, I wonder if part of this is just her looking back at her life since her marriage to Manny. The marriage honestly brought out this part of her that really wanted a companion in life, and it seems by the lyrics she is talking about a sense of regret but inability to change what has happened. I mean, she followed her heart at the time, and looking back, she clearly feels she could have saved herself as well as others some pain by having continued to pretend it didn't matter?
So, maybe she's coming to terms with how she's had to give up parts of her passion to fulfill this want in her life? My thoughts on the indecisiveness is that she seems to be all about her career every few months and then she disappears to her marriage again for awhile.
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