[mi|kshake]

So many thoughts, I was thinking about Ayu's situation on my bus journey on the way home today.

At first, I didn't really know what to say because I didn't feel anything reading the initial news. I think because, in a way, I don't know what it means - I still have a lot of questions. It was only reading the official translation and everyone's reactions that it hit home.

I do think continuing with a 60 date tour is a mistake. Everyone would understand if she scaled it back. I remember once, a while back, someone mentioned on the forum that she should become a studio artist instead of touring and I think this would be a good idea. However back to when I was talking about "I don't know what it means". Is she continuing the tour because the clock is ticking regardless and she wants to perform as long as she can and have no regrets? Is the time scale for her going completely deaf longer? (10 years away?) Can she improve her condition by quitting live performances right now? Is her deafness more imminent?

Like Zeke mentioned, I can't help but think of the CNN interview where she says "Without music I am nothing, I die" or words to that effect.

I remember reading Arama's April's Fools story and - no offence to anyone who believed it - thinking "Pfftt, who is going to believe this? Ayu would NEVER retire!". I always imagined that she would continue releasing albums into her 50s and 60s like Seiko and Yuming. I can't really imagine coming here and not anticipating new music news and just talking about "the good old days".

I am maybe thinking too far ahead but I've no doubt that she would have a career as a lyricist ahead of her and that we would continue to get remix albums.

As a new year begins, I always tend to look forward to new albums by my favourite artists as some of them release a new one every year. I especially did this with Ayumi - getting through the year by looking forward to a new album release, followed by an arena tour, A Nation performance and CDL and all the stuff in-between such as covers and track lists being revealed. I enjoy reading everyone's reactions to new releases and checking what Ayu had posted on social media on a daily basis. It will be weird not to have that timetable.

I wonder now what the 20th anniversary will bring?

I also wanted to say that I totally understand everyone's views here.