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Originally Posted by tokyoxjapanxfan
Also I miss the carefree atmosphere she had about her. A Life photo book and such. She was very natural and free.
Now I do feel like she's a bit afraid to let herself be as vulnerable. Everything seems much more intentional. To be expected I suppose. The public, even her fans, are quite hard on her.
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Reading about how she views her past though I wouldn't be surprised if that carefree vibe was calculated.
I'm rather confused about how vulnerable Ayu has been at what points of her career because of how she's told us that "this" or "that" was something she was forcing herself to do. I'd say her most vulnerable was initially during her debut and possibly for a short period recently as well.
I love Ayu but it is a bit of a slap in the face to know that at her 'peak' and most loved eras she wasn't really being herself but was trying to be things she wasn't because she thought that was what was expected of her.
Personally, I wish she would push herself a bit harder in a few aspects just so that she can be more than just 'safe' as it seems she is now. It's all up to her but I still would like to see her push her own boundaries once again. If I were to guess, she probably had stopped forcing herself to innovate around the time of 2008/2009 onward and wasn't sure where to go from there. The videos and music never really caught back up to their former quality after that other than a short burst of inspiration during 2009 and 2010, I feel.