[jiarongisme]

I think what's interesting with A ONE was that it was released during the whole "I'm sorry I left Japan behind and moved to LA to escape" period. And because of that, I feel that the whole concept of Cirque de Minuit revolved around that - and it's more fleshed out in the tour than CDL. It almost feels like the 3.5-hour shows were meant to be an "apology" (I believed it was mentioned as such somewhere?) to her fans and also sort of explained what went down in her head during that period. The polarity in analogies above is rather interesting and how I interpreted the era - more specifically, the tour - is rather different as well.

First act - circus ring master (Duty - Microphone)
Very grandeur entrance in Duty, the dancers bowing down to her, carefully planning out every part of the show - there's that one particular moment where she was "discussing" the show with the guy on stilts where I thought it was pretty random but I kinda get it.

You will find me, right?
I'll take a gamble and believe
that you will find me

Relating back to the Out of control thought from relmy, it almost feels like her grandeur performances were almost a facade and a cry for help. Transitioning to Pride, it showed her inner struggle on whether to give up and run away, throw away the facade (Btw, I hate that they treated the colours as such in the DVD haha)

Ah, even if that's the ends of this world
And even if others laugh, saying it's useless
Let's go together, because there's nothing
More frightening than giving up

When it came to Microphone, it's almost like just another day where she has to act strong, constantly reminding herself that she should stay on and that this is what gives her life meaning.

Change is a wonderful thing
But it doesn't mean losing yourself
It's in my roots up to here and from now on
Because I can see it through

I certainly had days
When I felt my limit, turned my back
On everything, and cowered in a corner, but...

Second act - running away (GAME - WARNING)
I saw the two male characters as Ayu's inner voices violently fighting against each other, one to face her fears (stay in Japan), and one to run away (to LA). Obviously the running away thought won.

Hey, little by little
The warmth you left behind begins to dissolve
And when it all disappears, what meaning will this body hold?

Impulses pile up
And I get into a maze with no exit
I search for a way to get away from the realities that suddenly attack
Yet strangely, why
Can't I leave this place?

...

Tell me that pain is an illusion
Tell me that I'm not myself
Tell me; if you don't, I'll just search for your warmth again

This is then followed by the brazen display of "hey, what I did was the right decision. Don't like it? F you." Although she's sometimes pained by what she has done I think. It's interesting to note that the length of this section is EXTREMELY long, almost like she's trying to reinforce that she made the right decision.

my name's WOMEN

There are definitely nights
When we feel a little heartache

Maybe it's true
That people can get stronger and gentler
The more they're hurt

until that Day...

Hey, those people who feel like they know everything about you
Just from a little smiling and exchange of words
Are sorely mistaken

I won't tell you
The reason for my smile
Or the meaning of my words
Cause I don't think
I want to tell you
So there's nothing you can do
Yeah, no body knows the real me
More than you

1 LOVE

Living is to keep making choices with your own hands at all times
If you're gonna interrupt, feel free to with words or whatever until you're satisfied
Such things won't shake me

WARNING

"Remember how you were
When we met sometimes"
You're making me laugh. After all, that's
My line

I'm not an output
For your complaints

I remember she even mentioned on Twitter or responded to someone saying that WARNING depicts the "death" of one side of Ayu.

Third act - sorrow (Diary - Last minute)
The said death of a side of Ayu is better shown by Midoring in Diary. It's almost like the death of that side of Ayu is causing her some form of regret and sadness. She can't seem to stop blaming herself. It's as if she's yearning to be back, to reconcile with herself that she's so desperately searching for.

Diary

Why is it that you passed on...
Why is it that you....
Why is it that I am living on
In a world without you

HAPPY ENDING

Oh morning, please come for me quickly
Before I'm unable to conceal my weakness

It's strange that the nights are so lonely
Just by you not being here

...

If someday I'm can completely redeem myself
And if the day comes when I'm forgiven...

But now I don't have any qualifications
To speak about the definition of happiness

Secret

I long for a place where light shines
Beyond the darkness
Even if I spread my one remaining wing
I can't reach the truth

Last minute

You're thinking that these are the last words, right?
I don't want to hear something like that, even for a second
By becoming a memory, you become eternal
That's more unfair than anything else
Give me back myself

In Last minute, as well, I see Yossy as depicting the soul of the "dead Ayu" that's constantly trying to embrace her, almost saying that she's still deep inside, but she dies by the end of the interlude.

Fourth act - reflections (A Song for xx - Out of control)
Wholeheartedly agree with relmy, which I think fits her inner thoughts during this period of time where she's getting to the realisation that she should revive the "dead Ayu".

Fifth act - reconciliation (Anything for you - progress)
She's came to terms with herself!! The true meaning of her existence as an artist is her fans and that she'll do whatever it takes. She'll do anything to be with them and protect them as long as she's together with her fans and that. Although I also feel that Anything for you is her kinda speaking to herself? The version of Ayu that couldn't forgive herself at first.

You were hurt, weren't you? So much you couldn't hide your tears either
But time alone will always soften the pain

Hey, if it's something I have, I'll give you everything
My strength, my kindness, these feelings of loving you, everything
Hey, that's why you can stay there; just stretch our your hands a bit
It's all right; I will definitely grasp your hands

I can't be sure but this section is mostly about realising that she should be one with her fans, back home in Japan.

forgiveness

We're no more
Than mere dots
Yet we're everything

If someday
It's all connected
We'll become a line

Even if this is just small chunks
Floating in the sky
I'm sure tomorrow
I won't give up
I won't be afraid to fight

progress

The two of us tick away the same time, believe in the same future
Our tears yesterday and our smiles today are both true

We know the same pain and brought the same tenderness
We'll change them into the strength to be able to live in tomorrow

At that time, I was at that place fighting
If everything was so that I could choose the present...

Then is the reason I want to forgive the past
That I turned away from, that I couldn't face and left behind, because I want to be forgiven?

Sixth act - triumphant return to the fans (Rule - Mirrorcle World)
The "I'm gonna truly live and be myself" act. Thinking back on how she came to the realisation that her fans are who she lives for.

Rule

We don't need a rule
Decided by somebody else
'Cause we are the rules
And we won't surrender

...

'Cause you taught me on that day
That nothing is coincidence
It's all inevitable

With Lady Dynamite, I think the performance was more of the highlight instead of the lyrics, the fun little bit where the ladies were fighting against the guys - representative of her with her fans fighting against the negativity perhaps?

I'm sorry, but could you shut up?
We can't hear our own voices
If you want to talk so badly
Then talk to your mom, boys■

once again, thanking the fans for being there, and that they are the source of her happiness.

evolution

We were born in these times
But I was able to meet you

We were born on this earth
That's why I was able to meet you

On the day we were born on this earth
We were certainly somehow happy
We were certainly somehow sad
We were crying
Wow yeah wow yeah wow wow yeah

We were born in these times
But somehow we're moving forward
That's why somehow we're standing here
We're transmitting today
Wow yeah wow yeah wow wow yeah

This is where things got interesting. I think at this point she's kinda contemplating happiness and how to get there in immature. Is the happiness that she's experiencing now an illusion? Surely it's okay to want to be happy right? I also kinda feel that she was kinda fighting something/someone but won in the end with during the entire bit with the elephant.

It's okay if we have days
when we think that we were born
in order to be happy, right?
Hey, if you listen carefully, you can hear
the shout like a prayer that's hidden within

In Mirrorcle World, everything has been reset to the first act, but she's back and stronger, having a firm resolution, back to the strong-ass artist that she is and it's all because of her fans. And that she will not run away again and face her inner demons.

This isn't the time
To run away and act like a victim

Wow I took this more seriously than I thought LOL. But yeah, I found Cirque de Minuit to be so deep concept wise that I thought it was a really interesting case study for an Ayu concert. Probably one of her most conceptual ever (though only based on my analysis - which may not even be true).