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My first Ayu song was "Dearest" way back when Inu-Yasha was first airing stateside. I was a kid, maybe 10 or so when I first heard it. Inu-Yasha literally changed my life. It almost single handedly got me into JPop, seriously. There are so many artists that I got introduced to through that show that I still listen to today (Do As Infinity, BoA, Namie Amuro), Ayu being the biggest one.
I know for quite a while, I just liked Ayu. I was much more into Utada Hikaru at the time (they're still a very close #2 and I love them with all my heart) comparatively, but I remember hearing "M" and "evolution" for the first time while doing some very limited and outdated internet sleuthing (this was back in the early 2000's and I was a young kid, so I honestly didn't know what I was doing, nor to I really remember a lot in those early years). There was this site that I used to visit (I can't remember it for the life of me) that had lots of JPop songs streaming on the site. It's how I first heard a lot of JPop, honestly. It even had videos. I remember I used that site to look up more Ayu songs and became obsessed with her commercials. I distinctly remember being particularly enamored with the "Memorial address" and "MY STORY" CMs, so much so, that "Memorial address" became the first ever JPop CD I ever owned!
I eventually found an Ayu forum. I can't remember the name, it was either Ayumi Hamasaki-Online or Ayumi Hamasaki-Network or something. It was very similar to AHS, but much smaller. Of particular note was the fact that it had a pretty big download section and this was when my Ayu (and JPop) fandom exploded because I now had access to a lot more stuff than I ever had before. This was right around the time that "STEP you / is this LOVE?" was coming out. It was then that I was not only able to hear a lot of songs I never could before, but was able to follow along with Ayu news (new released included). Up until this point, I considered both Ayu and Hikki as my #1 favorite artist. I realized, however, that Ayu's songs were the ones I loved singing the most, so she she truly became my #1 at that point lol
After that initial explosion, things kind of settled down into more of a calm phase for a good amount of years. Probably from "(miss)understood" up until maybe "Love songs" or so, things were very strong and steady in my love for Ayu (I also joined AHS somewhere in this time lol). I followed along with every release; excitement always flaring up when a new album was about to come out.
Things took a dip between "Party Queen" and "Colours". I still loved Ayu, of course, but all the drama she was involved in coupled with the fact that "Party Queen" and "LOVE again" weren't my favorite albums, caused my enthusiasm for her to wane a bit. Things picked back up again during the "A ONE" to "M(A)DE IN JAPAN" eras, put the fervor wasn't nearly what it was pre-2012.
Things took an even bigger dip in 2017 when all she did was tour, not releasing anything. I completely understood her desire to take a break from recording. She gave us music for 20 years straight. I'm not surprised she got a little burnt out. That said, it was hard not to feel a little disconnected from her. I live in the US on a pretty low income. My chances of seeing Ayu live are pretty slim. My real connection to her is through her music, so it was only natural that things really hit a low point. "TROUBLE" didn't help much either. We all know it wasn't her strongest release. The fact that she immediately embarked on several more tours following it only compounded things.
Since 2020, however, she's releasing new music and my fervor for her has grown quite a bit. I was definitely over the moon with the surprise new releases of "Ohia no Ki" and "Dreamed a Dream" and things only grew and grew with "Haru yo, Koi." and "23rd Monster" the next year. The "MUSIC for LIFE" show really pulled me back in. There was just something really beautiful and special about it and it really cemented that Ayu is my favorite singer and performer. Now, I'm just eagerly awaiting the new album coming later this year like the rest of y'all!
I don't know if my obsession with Ayu will ever reach the same heights it did during the mid-2000's. To be fair, I don't think I'll ever really truly be obsessed over anything like that ever again. I'm in my 30's now. I don't really have the time or emotional bandwidth to expend on anything like that anymore. That said, unless Ayu does something truly morally heinous, I don't see myself ever not being an Ayu fan. I will always love her and her music. My fandom for her will wax and wane, but she's been my favorite singer for almost 20 years. I don't see that changing anytime soon, if ever.
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