NTV Special and Ayu's Left Ear

[hanabiwings]

When I watched this for the first time, some weeks ago (which I was able to do thanks to the members of this forum) I was startled to hear that Hamasaki Ayumi had suffered from problems with her left ear. Several years ago, when she was doing her first concert tour, the 2000 Dai-1-maku and Dai-2-maku, I read that she had suffered some kind of ear infection. Most people didn't pay it much mind when analyzing her vocal performance, and I must admit that I didn't either.

However, watching the NTV special and listening to Ayu describe a sound like "Pa pa pa" in her ear, and then talking about some strange noise in her ear, it became clear to me just what this was.

Hamasaki Ayumi suffers from tinnitus, which is a medical condition resulting from trauma to the ear drum. It is characterized as a buzzing, ringing, or drumming noise in the ear, which can usually be heard when in quiet situations. Moreover, it often is a result of trauma that has caused irreversible damage to the inner ear. Said plainly: Ayu's exposure to high decibel music and sounds during her professional career caused her to have damage to her inner ear. This continued on and the ringing got loud enough for her to hear. Because she wasn't afforded a break from such noise, she had to use an earplug.

The earplug is in plain sight during the dai-2-maku of her first concert venue. I saw it several times and thought it curious that she would be using such an earplug. There were no ear monitors being used, but this plug instead. I should have realized it, because I, too, suffer from tinnitus.

The effects of tinnitus can be far-reaching. Surely, many of Ayu's problems staying on-key during some of her live performances stem from the fact that she is partially deaf in one ear. It is very difficult to have an accurate internal voice (the voice one hears when one is talking) and thus, it is difficult to stay on key. It is literally difficult to hear the notes correctly. Her balance, too, may have been affected because the damage to the inner ear may affect equilibrium (although this may be in dispute.) This would explain her loss of balance during the Dome Tour rehearsals.

Living with tinnitus is a very scary, very difficult thing. I empathize with her greatly. To hear such a ringing in one's ears and to have no relief has driven some sufferers mad and caused suicides in the past. Others despair over the erosion of their hearing over time. To me, I could see this pain in Hamasaki Ayumi's eyes during the rehearsals for the Dome Tour. When she was singing "A Song for XX" during the rehearsal, I could see that concern. That fear that "something in my body is not right." And then when she sat down on the steps during rehearsal, I saw the panic that "I may lose my hearing." That is a very scary thing no matter how you say it. The impact on her mental well-being is great, to be sure. Stress of that kind is something for which no one can be well-prepared.

I have really evaluated the vocal inconsistencies I have witnessed and also, my opinion of her management and Avex Trax in general. They still kept pushing her even though they knew her hearing may have been lost. More than this in itself, they asked her questions like, "Can't you just use an earplug?" and so on. Then, they were dismayed when the NTV crew was taping all of their rushing around after she had sat down on the stage. They didn't want to look bad on camera, but they wanted to push Ayu to the breaking point... I cannot reconcile such things with morals. Avex's actions in this aspect of her career are atrocious.

In closing, I just hope that I have been able to communicate in some small way the reality she likely faces today. Tinnitus can get better with time. But likely, some of the damage is irreversible. I hope that people who say flippantly, "Ayu sucks live" will plug one of their ears and walk around, seeing how life would be without the use of that ear. Maybe then, they would see the challenges she has faced.

[HanabiChick]

Thanks for posting this. It explains a lot about Ayu's live performances. I've never had tinnitus, but I had something similar happen - and for months I had a drumming noise in my ear - it sounded like the blood pumping through veins, and everything was muffled for 2 weeks, after that I could hear better. It was all because of a build-up in my ear, and stopped completely after I used ear drops in my ears. It was horrendous, so I can imagine what it's like for people who have to live with this for a long time.

[hanabiwings]

It is scary. I can imagine what you went through. Actually, I was just happy to be able to put a name to this strange "ear thing" presented in the interview. I think it's important to understand it further. The fact that Ayu has hearing loss caused by the business and is still saying, "I don't feel negatively about it" is amazing to me.

[HanabiChick]

Originally Posted by hanabiwings

The fact that Ayu has hearing loss caused by the business and is still saying, "I don't feel negatively about it" is amazing to me.

That's true - her attitude toward it is remarkable, after everything she's been through. I admire her spirit, and how she isn't bitter over this.

[Tyran the Dark]

I also have hearing problems and so I understand very well Ayu's problem, as well as your feeling hanabiwings... I really think Avex's really awful towards Ayumi... when I watch the report I was amazed by Ayumi's will. She's very professional, a very born-artist. Thanks a lot for your post hanabiwings.

[Apekuz]

Okay, so how does tinnitus actually feels like? I'm asking mainly because recently, I've been experiencing something weird going on in my left ear as well.

It all started in the arcade, a few weeks ago, I was half way through a match and suddenly I hear weird crackling noises from my left side. I thought it was something external so I looked around to the left. I saw nothing and disregarded the sound. A few seconds later I heard it again, this time the cracking was accompanied by a subtle buzzing sound. And it felt like it completely blocked my left ear from listening to anything at all!

Nowadays I still get the odd cracking buzzes from time to time, but the main problem is I noticed that my left ear don't listen that well anymore. Everything just sounds as if they were on a lower volume at my left ear. And today... it actually started hurting abit; I was afraid that it might get more serious.

[ohsixthirty]

Originally Posted by Apekuz

Okay, so how does tinnitus actually feels like? I'm asking mainly because recently, I've been experiencing something weird going on in my left ear as well.

Apekuz...you might want to drop by a doctor! That sounds like an ear infection at the very least and it needs to be checked out by a professional. Don't take risks with your hearing.

[-[TIMO]-]

oh,that is a serious problem...
Always remember protect your ears,if you have a tinnitus you must live with it rest of your life.

[CT_Cool]

yeah like hanabichink say ayumi spirit is remarkable. Thanks hanabiwings for posting yur view / infor. now, i always thought that the look that ayu had singing A song for xx was about strange in the dome. u probably may have been right about ayumi feeling something wrong with herself at that moment when she was singing the song. But with all the problems ayu was facing at the time to me she still putted on a one of greatest concert with the dome tour. So if any1 say that "Ayu Live Suck" i'll them.lol to me i c the dome tour now as being just more than a great concert but also it reflects ayu's remarkable spirit and will that she has.

[Brittany]

Wow, so interesting. She's a strong person. Thanks for sharing

[Aldonia]

Poor Ayu. I feel so sorry for her. Avex is really overworking her. Well, they have been since pretty much forever. She needs to take a nice, long break!

After hearing about this, I feel like taking a bat to those who say she sucks singing (live or on cd). She's definitely got strength! I admire her even more now, because she obviously hasn't had the perfect life some people think stars have. I hope she continues to stay strong, and I hope that someday the damage can be reversed.

[Ryoko]

Ayu's such a strong person... Thank you for posting this.

[PickleCookies]

I feel so bad for Ayu. She does need to take a break, and I hope she got the right medical attention for this.

Stupid Avex. *waves fist* ¬¬

[dCxAyumi1]

thx for sharing hanabiwings..sigh..why must Avex persist in their stubborn, selfish ways is what i absolutely cannot understand..can someone plz shed some light?

[hanabiwings]

Part of it is about the fact that, at this time, Avex=Ayumi Hamasaki's revenue. Other part is that, to be sure, many performers have these kind of problems. It comes with the job. But, if she was predisposed to it, which seems to be the case, there should have been allowances made. Also, if things were getting bad, they shouldn't have held the concerts. Those dome concerts are probably what damaged her hearing to the point it is now. I can see that Avex thought, "We have to go on." But, they should have cancelled. U.S. artists cancel for less, definitely. But I think that Avex operates differently. Still, I know of other people who cancelled their lives, including Utada Hikaru, Onitsuka Chihiro, and others. It is an example of how dedicated Ayu is. But such dedication can sometimes wear a person out.

[silentscreamer]

i don't know how avex is gonna handle ayu in the next few years when she begins to die down ..

they better find someone quick before they drive ayu crazy + torture her