What was so bad about Ayu's past??

[BigAyuFan]

i no this might have been asked alot,but in alot of Ayu's lyrics she sings about trying to forgive her past.so my question is,what is she trying to forget or forgive??i no she wrote some songs about and for her friends and family but i think these lyrics are all about her.

for 1 example i can find now(ill find more in 1 moment)
CAROLS
Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
That I could forgive my past some day

so what does that mean??does anyone have an idea??

[elepop]

What happenned in her past...

- Her father left her mother and herself at a very young age. Also, she never met him since... She doesn't remember her father and don't even know if he's still alive... (Memorial Address, teddy bear)
- She rarely saw her mother. Ayu's mother had several jobs. Her grand-mother is the one who took care of her. (A Song for XX)
- It was said that she never ever ate a meal cooked by her mom.
- Her grand-mother died the day she recorded "poker face". (ever free, Who...)
- She was reject my other mothers. They thought Ayu was rebelious because she dyed her hair. The mothers didn't want their kids to be friends with Ayu.

I don't think all of her "sad" lyrics are all based on her past or her experience though.

[immel]

There's also the fact that she has mentioned that her lyrics are also based not only on things that has happened to herself, but also friends. I read that on masa's page, you should go there and read BigAyuFan.

So what unhappiness she is singing about, doesn't always have to be about her in every song.

[explodingbird]

Hmm... that explains why she seems to absolutely hate poker face.

[BigAyuFan]

Originally Posted by asongforXX

What happenned in her past...

- Her father left her mother and herself at a very young age. Also, she never met him since... She doesn't remember her father and don't even know if he's still alive... (Memorial Address, teddy bear)
- She rarely saw her mother. Ayu's mother had several jobs. Her grand-mother is the one who took care of her. (A Song for XX)
- It was said that she never ever ate a meal cooked by her mom.
- Her grand-mother died the day she recorded "poker face". (ever free, Who...)
- She was reject my other mothers. They thought Ayu was rebelious because she dyed her hair. The mothers didn't want their kids to be friends with Ayu.

I don't think all of her "sad" lyrics are all based on her past or her experience though.

but in the lyrics it says forgive,so i didnt understand what she wanted to forgive in her past.....and i thought i read somewhere that her mom helpped dye her hair...??

Originally Posted by explodingbird

Hmm... that explains why she seems to absolutely hate poker face.

she hates poker face??

Originally Posted by immel

There's also the fact that she has mentioned that her lyrics are also based not only on things that has happened to herself, but also friends. I read that on masa's page, you should go there and read BigAyuFan.

So what unhappiness she is singing about, doesn't always have to be about her in every song.

but not all of them can be about her friends and family.........can they??

I think a lot of her music stems from a constant need to do things on her own. She has said that in her past she was a loner, and her teachers would write comments on her report cards about how she did too many things on her own. She probably regrets that, and since RAINBOW (her ultimate past-forgiveness, embracing love song), we have seen a big change in her lyrics; even her happier songs still had a bittersweet tinge to them, but now she has released some downright joyful songs.

So I feel like what she means when she talks about forgiving her past is that she regrets keeping to herself because in essence she was keeping herself unhappy. By forgiving her past and accepting the love she is given, she is able to find peace and happiness.

[maneayu]

Originally Posted by evolusean

So I feel like what she means when she talks about forgiving her past is that she regrets keeping to herself because in essence she was keeping herself unhappy. By forgiving her past and accepting the love she is given, she is able to find peace and happiness.

Yay... this comment almost makes me cry :

Originally Posted by BigAyuFan

but in the lyrics it says forgive,so i didnt understand what she wanted to forgive in her past.....

Keep in mind that the meaning of the Japanese word she generally uses (許す yurusu) is most often translated as to forgive, but it carries the connotation of to relieve, to set free, to let go. She is saying that she wants to move on from her past, and not hold on to the bad things that have happened.

Originally Posted by BigAyuFan

she hates poker face??

Like ex said, I also have read that she doesn't particularly care for poker face. In addition to her grandmother dying on the day of the song's recording, she also had much difficulty setting her feelings to the melody. She couldn't find the right flow of words, and went through several versions before settling on the one that ended up being recorded, on the day of the recording.

I believe I read this in an article on masa's page, as well.

Originally Posted by BigAyuFan

but not all of them can be about her friends and family.........can they??

You'd be surprised. She has released just under 100 original songs, and while every writer has their own style (some write ONLY from non-personal experience & some even write ONLY fiction), I have written over 300 songs, myself, and all but 1 are based on direct personal experience. It's entirely possible to write that much about your own life. The trick is to write about the same events from different perspectives. Ayu loves doing this, and that's how we get a lot of great songs (like the Trilogy).

[slowmoth]

Originally Posted by asongforXX

What happenned in her past...

- Her father left her mother and herself at a very young age. Also, she never met him since... She doesn't remember her father and don't even know if he's still alive... (Memorial Address, teddy bear)
- She rarely saw her mother. Ayu's mother had several jobs. Her grand-mother is the one who took care of her. (A Song for XX)
- It was said that she never ever ate a meal cooked by her mom.
- Her grand-mother died the day she recorded "poker face". (ever free, Who...)
- She was reject my other mothers. They thought Ayu was rebelious because she dyed her hair. The mothers didn't want their kids to be friends with Ayu.

I don't think all of her "sad" lyrics are all based on her past or her experience though.

but wasn't she with her mother in some a-nation performance and her mother was in the in the public clapping to her?

[BigAyuFan]

Originally Posted by evolusean

Keep in mind that the meaning of the Japanese word she generally uses (許す yurusu) is most often translated as to forgive, but it carries the connotation of to relieve, to set free, to let go. She is saying that she wants to move on from her past, and not hold on to the bad things that have happened.

oh yeah....i didnt think about the actual translation and the difference in languages

Originally Posted by evolusean

Like ex said, I also have read that she doesn't particularly care for poker face. In addition to her grandmother dying on the day of the song's recording, she also had much difficulty setting her feelings to the melody. She couldn't find the right flow of words, and went through several versions before settling on the one that ended up being recorded, on the day of the recording.

I believe I read this in an article on masa's page, as well.

yeah i knew about that but in her dance for her concerts and tours,the dance seems happy.

Originally Posted by evolusean

You'd be surprised. She has released just under 100 original songs, and while every writer has their own style (some write ONLY from non-personal experience & some even write ONLY fiction), I have written over 300 songs, myself, and all but 1 are based on direct personal experience. It's entirely possible to write that much about your own life. The trick is to write about the same events from different perspectives. Ayu loves doing this, and that's how we get a lot of great songs (like the Trilogy).

but cant there be even the slightest chance that 1 of her songs is about her??

oh yeah the trilogy.........what was that about anyways??

Originally Posted by slowmoth

but wasn't she with her mother in some a-nation performance and her mother was in the in the public clapping to her?

yeah the 05 a-nation there was a big argument about that.some say its not her mom and some say it is.Ayu did say okaasan backstage but some say she just acted like a motherly figure to Ayu.

Originally Posted by BigAyuFan

but cant there be even the slightest chance that 1 of her songs is about her??

That's what I'm saying, though. I believe that most of her songs are about her, and only a select few are based on experiences of others.

[ImpactBreaker]

Some of the sad ayu lyrics are about her family and relationship problems. However part of her sad lyrics are also about her insecurities about her career and fame. A lot of the lyrics from LOVEppears (mainly the A single) are about her being insecure .

[slowmoth]

Originally Posted by BigAyuFan

yeah the 05 a-nation there was a big argument about that.some say its not her mom and some say it is.Ayu did say okaasan backstage but some say she just acted like a motherly figure to Ayu.

yeah she was so young for to be her mother in comparison with another time when a tv programme they put a photo of her mother and she said something like "it's my mother" but she started to laugh, the same at the public... but maybe it was really sad for her

[SunshineSlayer]

Originally Posted by asongforXX

- She was reject by other mothers. They thought Ayu was rebelious because she dyed her hair. The mothers didn't want their kids to be friends with Ayu.

It wasn't just because of that, it was because she came from a broken home, which is not very common in Japan.(especially at that time) Those living w/ single parents were often seen as problem children (whether they actually were or not) and thus other kids often wouldn't be allowed to play with them.

Another thing, is her career as an Idol which she seems to be quite ashamed of. There are also other rumors about what may have gone on in her life at that time.

Much of her known past is very vague. But to drop out of school and move away from home on her own at such a young age and then support herself, yes, I would imagine some bad things happened. Whether Ayu ever wants to truthfully talk about them outside of her lyrics, is up to her.

Originally Posted by slowmoth

but wasn't she with her mother in some a-nation performance and her mother was in the in the public clapping to her?

I'm suprised people still think that is her mother. She says that the person there acts like a mother to her - not that she actually is her mother.

[MariachiGurl2005]

i just know that i love her old stuff...its a rough life she had but she managed to pull through...i love the old rebelious ayu

[AyUmIXx]

yeah...not all the lyrics are about her..
some are from her surroundings~

[pbs1605]

Poor Ayuni.I did not know some of those things that happened to her.

[alt.total-loser]

Yeah, Ayu had a tough life, but she's far from alone.

[Aisha_Angel]

I think the deal with "poker face" & Ayu is like Cher and "Half Breed". Everyone loves the song, they wanna hear it; in order to kind of keep the fans going (especially since it was her first single and like Cher it was kind of a first hit too) you have to give it too them. Even if it hurts.

I think every real performer has a song like that that just rips them apart to sing it. It's cool to me; to be able to make it through the performance.

[extepan]

no one is perfect. everyone has something that they regret doing in the past. everyone has bound to be something that tey wish they could turn back time to change it.

i think it is not because she has had some particularly bad past.