What was so bad about Ayu's past??

[BigAyuFan]

i no this might have been asked alot,but in alot of Ayu's lyrics she sings about trying to forgive her past.so my question is,what is she trying to forget or forgive??i no she wrote some songs about and for her friends and family but i think these lyrics are all about her.

for 1 example i can find now(ill find more in 1 moment)
CAROLS
Tears welled up in my eyes
When I thought it would be nice
That I could forgive my past some day

so what does that mean??does anyone have an idea??