[Translation] TEAMAyu blog: 29 June "Mornin' ♪" - Page 3 - Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
· Ayu's Official Site · Ayu's twitter · Ayu's YouTube · masa's translations · Misa-chan's translations ·


Go Back   Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai > Ayumi Hamasaki Forums > Ayu Celebrity News

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 30th June 2010, 12:37 AM
1LOVE-T's Avatar
1LOVE-T 1LOVE-T is offline
Two of us Initiate
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 191
Thank goodness for that smart other fan!

AC/DC aww yeah
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:00 AM
zellyx's Avatar
zellyx zellyx is offline
Endless sorrow Initiate
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 1,828
haha "something seems to be coming closer!"
her TA entries always make me smile!
I love her outfit..
WANT IT
__________________



You don't know how beautiful you are. ♡

Set by ownsarai.

Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:18 AM
primavera♥'s Avatar
primavera♥ primavera♥ is offline
WE WISH Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,089
thanks misa ^___^ shes looks fantastic in the ACDC shirt.
__________________

Ayu 💛 JASMINE 💛 Hikki 💛 Eiko 💛 MELL
♡ MUCC ♡


Twitter

Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 30th June 2010, 03:34 AM
visionfactory's Avatar
visionfactory visionfactory is offline
ANGEL'S SONG Initiate
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Chile
Posts: 5,432
She looks amazing with that hair and those clothes!!!!!!!
__________________

My first J-pop cover album is out on Spotify! Please check it out!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 30th June 2010, 03:55 AM
taskinillusion's Avatar
taskinillusion taskinillusion is offline
BLUE BIRD Protector

 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 6,436
Such pretty blue skies!!
__________________



did you imagine this kind of future?

@luckynekolady instagram

Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 30th June 2010, 04:04 AM
GREENsora's Avatar
GREENsora GREENsora is offline
Far away Initiate
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: beautiful british columbia, canada :)
Posts: 1,316
thank you for the translation!
__________________


♥♥
Underneath the blue sky&your dazzling smile
--
倖田來未
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 30th June 2010, 05:11 AM
rakeru's Avatar
rakeru rakeru is offline
ourselves Initiate
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 4,715
Cute! HK looks so gorgeous in those shots, so I hope she takes many more pictures!
__________________



My travel blog
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:27 PM
*°wann_ayubabies°*'s Avatar
*°wann_ayubabies°* *°wann_ayubabies°* is offline
A Song for XX Initiate
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: the 'you' in Ayu's songs
Posts: 317
thanks for the translation!!!

the scenery of Hong Kong looks very beautiful
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:36 PM
rusuke's Avatar
rusuke rusuke is offline
ayu trance Initiate
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Davao City, Philippines
Posts: 2,111
This entry is so nice.

Thanks for translating, misa-chan as always!
__________________


rusuke's music Livejournal /// rusuke's music blogspot

Ayumi Hamasaki is my Right wing and GACKT is my Left wing

Loving AYU ~15th AYU-versary~(2002.02.02)

Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:48 PM
tetsuo69's Avatar
tetsuo69 tetsuo69 is offline
Initiate
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: New York City
Posts: 3,386
i'm lost, did something bad happen ?
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 30th June 2010, 01:51 PM
2Hurt's Avatar
2Hurt 2Hurt is offline
BEST Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Holland~
Posts: 1,751
Thanks for sharing ^-^
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 30th June 2010, 04:15 PM
Misa-chan's Avatar
Misa-chan Misa-chan is offline
July 1st Initiate
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Japan
Posts: 2,903
Not many people know the significance behind the bracelet. At least I doubt the one who tried to snatch it away did.

For all those people who are lost, basically, ayu wrote a TA message on the 28th about Nagoya, and that's when she mentioned this incident. The reason why I didn't translate and post it here is because ayu said this:

"Ah, because it's TA here, that's why I'm talking about this. If you read and understand me, and try not to leak it at Twitter, I'll be really happy."

This gave me the impression that she didn't want this message to be leaked out to the public, so I respected her wishes and didn't post up a translation.

Yeah, as Deli had said, in Nagoya, someone tried to rip the red bracelet off her wrist, but the person next to him grabbed his arm and he let go of ayu. Her basic reaction was "It's been a long time since I've felt such pain in my heart. You can do anything, but the red bracelet, only that, please leave it alone."
__________________

Visit: Misa-chan’s J-pop blog ♪

Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 1st July 2010, 12:36 AM
Ranma Matsuri's Avatar
Ranma Matsuri Ranma Matsuri is offline
Daybreak Initiate
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: GREENsboro, North CAROLina in AyUSA :D
Posts: 2,659
Yeah, you're right. They probably didn't but it still makes me so mad. People really just don't think about stuff like that they just take without a thought to the consequences or what if could do to a person.

She's so shaken up just by it *almost* being stolen away I can't imagine how'd she be if it were actually taken from her.
__________________

Thank you, Mirrorcle Heaven*


**~Idororu Rabu~**

Koharu Kusumi Tomomi Itano Karin Miyamoto
Meimi Tamura Ayaka Komatsu Kanon Suzuki

Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 1st July 2010, 12:43 AM
Mintkisses's Avatar
Mintkisses Mintkisses is offline
Trauma Initiate
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 870
Not digging the red lipstick.

Anyways, sorry for my lack of knowledge, but what significance is her red bracelet?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 1st July 2010, 01:01 AM
majrakun's Avatar
majrakun majrakun is offline
Over Initiate
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: BRUNEI.
Posts: 3,903
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintkisses View Post
Not digging the red lipstick.

Anyways, sorry for my lack of knowledge, but what significance is her red bracelet?
It's a symbol of friendship between her and two friends, one who died of cancer back in 2008 and Ayu wrote the song 'Life' for him, so the bracelet really means alot to her. The entries were posted by Deli somewhere here, really heartbreaking.
__________________

honto no watashi wo anata wa wakaranai





Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 1st July 2010, 02:04 AM
gallowsCalibrator's Avatar
gallowsCalibrator gallowsCalibrator is offline
No way to say Initiate
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,283
Is this the entry?

Spoiler:
Quote:
Tomorrow, the curtain will be closed on the Japan leg of the tour.
I have received thoughts from everyone I've met all over the
country, those who can't come to the show tomorrow, everyone
who answered me with all their strength, and even
everyone who's going to the show tomorrow, and thanks
to those precious, precious feelings all over my
whole body, I feel I am able to sing.
Because absolutely we're having a wonderful time.
No matter what's happening in a given moment, the thought of it burns into our hearts.
Today, everyone's love was flooding the venue,
and I felt like I could cry from the very first song.
All throughout Japan, you all, who love me so much,
were gathering together.
I truly, truly thank you.
Tomorrow, with all our hearts, let's decorate the last show with so many different smiles & tears together, and make the show
the best.
I'm doing this show with all my might!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, I make such judgement because I have come to talk about Countdown Live, following through with the declaration in my last entry.
But that said, considering what I'm going to write, I'm not sure how or to what extent to convey my thoughts. I'm having
trouble with that.
So because I'm having issues there, I'm just gonna convey this to you all who I wish to see in Yoyogi, with the plain & clear
feelings I have, sticking to the honest feelings I have in my own heart.
Alright.
I hesitated on this. And even now I'm hesitating.
However, I'm going to say what I feel.
After my birthday, in the fall of last year, I was busy working on the album.
During that time, I stayed in LA for quite awhile, so I could only do my photoshoots & recording sessions.
News of Aneki's death had come from my mother, only immediately reaching Bancho, Ohji, and my closest staff members,
it seemed.
But everyone had discussed it, and they decided that telling me this would make it too hard for me to work, and they said I shouldn't know until I returned to Japan.
I didn't know what was going on, so in a very happy-go-lucky & easygoing way, I said,
"Hmm, how come I'm not getting any e-mails?"
They revealed the truth, and I found it to be extremely bitter.
So I finished all my work and came back home that very day. When I go to my house, Mommy was there.
Since we're not living together (in case you're wondering), she didn't say "okaeri", but her eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she started to say, "Ayu, Aneki has gone to Heaven."
I rushed out of the house, on my own. I got into a taxi, and very purposefully I went to Aneki's house.
I hadn't been able to comprehend everything until I saw that the power was off.
Then, I saw Aneki's ashes.
I don't know how long, but I was silent, remaining crouched down.
It really took a considerable amount of time before I was able to cope with the reality of all of it.
Having these kinds of feelings, the end of the year was a blur for me.
With a feeling of nothingness, I went through a number of events, and I ended up building a bigger & bigger wall around me.
That's how Countdown Live was.
The show Aneki was looking forward to.
After the show on the 31st finished, my heart was ruled by huge anxiety, something I haven't felt since then until now.
That's...wow, how to explain it...
I can't aptly apply it to words, but...
Even when I thought to myself "I have to be able to make it somehow!!!", I, who should have been determined to keep running,
was extremely depressed anyway.
Naturally, with everyone who came to the venue and even everyone who just watched on TV, I had the best & most amazing time on the 30th & 31st, and, this is an absolute fact, I was really happy.
However, I gave myself away, so I think many of you were probably able to understand.
No, absolutely, I think you all understood.
So, during those two days, there was the issue with my left ear not working, and it scared me. At the same time, I thought to
myself, I am a vocalist, but again, I'm also a human being, and I need to be able to lead the team. I thought I couldn't play both
roles.
In a performance, singing the songs is the most important thing. As such, the most basic and fundamental #1 thing wasn't there.
If I said anything as I was right then, I had no persuasive power. Moreover, this thing with Aneki influenced me to the point where even my judgement had been
considerably shaky.
One song, and then another...whenever I go to sing, my hearing condition continues to get worse, and my mood is nothing but impatient.
When I think like that, I can't sing. I can't be heard...
Without hitting on the problem, I was always getting angry and getting sad, feeling chagrin, but even in my head it was a jumble.
Anyway...even if you jsut watch the DVD, since there was a lot of crying during the show, so you can probably understand.
One way or another New Year arrived, thanks to the love of all the guests there, and the many wonderful staff & band
members and dancers, but I was always thinking.
Can I never sing like I used to?
Would that concert become my last?
For a very very long time, I was thinking so many, SOO MANY different things like this.
Thinking about it & thinking about it & thinking about it some more, I struggled to arrive at one solution.
And then, the answer came
Keep on singing.
Just like that.
From the day I decided that, I made a vow never again to complain or make any excuses.
And, as one of my ambitions for this year, I have been coming here to write,
to tell everyone my feelings.
Do you remember what was said?
So, during this year's long tour, I've been able to do absolutely everything.
Every day, every single day was filled up, and I was busy both mentally and physically.
But absolutely, I wasn't defeated. I couldn't be defeated.
Because I made a promise to everyone.
Once again, like I have in the past--
no, like I will from now on-- I've become strong enough to really stand on that grand stage.
I've been thinking like that during rehearsals for many months now.
Since then I've realized how quickly time is passing. It's surprising to think that tomorrow is already Yoyogi.
Lots of things happened during the tour...
I didn't think of these circumstances as challenging, though.
Because, even with all that stuff happening,
I know that you all understand, everyone.
It might be reckless to say, but even when feeling desperate inside,
the time spent with everyone during this tour was truly the
best time. My memories of these days shine more & more, quickly & strongly, and I become a better person for it.
I feel the importance of my 10th anniversary acutely through my whole self.
I began the tour at Yoyogi.
I clearly remember every exchange between my heart & everyone else's since that day.
Everyone's similing faces, tear-stained faces, perplexed faces, I love aaaallll of them.
Everyone's feelings are always transmitted to me.
I am very fortunate.
I thought, if I had to losemy left ear, it's alright that I keep on trying with my right ear.
But that's not quite right.
I haven't lost anything.
Because everyone has offered to become my left ear.
So my ears are stronger now.
That having been said, although I was smiling about this, and those were beautiful thoughts,
this writer has become useless.
The screen is getting blurry, so that's no good.
But I'll hold these tears back until the last day.
The tour continues into the Fall, but for right now, the domestic part of the tour ends with the two days in Yoyogi..........
I look forward to some serious fighting spirit!!!!!!!
Let's make it the best two days ever,
Yoyogi--------------------------!!!!!!
While saying that, I was secretly feeling very anxious.
Thank you for reading this until the very end.
Aneki, please always watch over me!!!!!


I found this article and thought it might be the one majrakun mentioned (^_^) It made me cry~~~~

Last edited by gallowsCalibrator; 1st July 2010 at 02:06 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 1st July 2010, 02:07 AM
Bigtop Bigtop is offline
Beautiful Day Initiate
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Bothell, WA, USA
Posts: 9,548
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misa-chan View Post
Not many people know the significance behind the bracelet. At least I doubt the one who tried to snatch it away did.

For all those people who are lost, basically, ayu wrote a TA message on the 28th about Nagoya, and that's when she mentioned this incident. The reason why I didn't translate and post it here is because ayu said this:

"Ah, because it's TA here, that's why I'm talking about this. If you read and understand me, and try not to leak it at Twitter, I'll be really happy."

This gave me the impression that she didn't want this message to be leaked out to the public, so I respected her wishes and didn't post up a translation.

Yeah, as Deli had said, in Nagoya, someone tried to rip the red bracelet off her wrist, but the person next to him grabbed his arm and he let go of ayu. Her basic reaction was "It's been a long time since I've felt such pain in my heart. You can do anything, but the red bracelet, only that, please leave it alone."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranma Matsuri View Post
Yeah, you're right. They probably didn't but it still makes me so mad. People really just don't think about stuff like that they just take without a thought to the consequences or what if could do to a person.

She's so shaken up just by it *almost* being stolen away I can't imagine how'd she be if it were actually taken from her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mintkisses View Post
Not digging the red lipstick.

Anyways, sorry for my lack of knowledge, but what significance is her red bracelet?
Quote:
Originally Posted by majrakun View Post
It's a symbol of friendship between her and two friends, one who died of cancer back in 2008 and Ayu wrote the song 'Life' for him, so the bracelet really means alot to her. The entries were posted by Deli somewhere here, really heartbreaking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain-kawaii123 View Post
Is this the entry?

Spoiler:
Quote:
Tomorrow, the curtain will be closed on the Japan leg of the tour.
I have received thoughts from everyone I've met all over the
country, those who can't come to the show tomorrow, everyone
who answered me with all their strength, and even
everyone who's going to the show tomorrow, and thanks
to those precious, precious feelings all over my
whole body, I feel I am able to sing.
Because absolutely we're having a wonderful time.
No matter what's happening in a given moment, the thought of it burns into our hearts.
Today, everyone's love was flooding the venue,
and I felt like I could cry from the very first song.
All throughout Japan, you all, who love me so much,
were gathering together.
I truly, truly thank you.
Tomorrow, with all our hearts, let's decorate the last show with so many different smiles & tears together, and make the show
the best.
I'm doing this show with all my might!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, I make such judgement because I have come to talk about Countdown Live, following through with the declaration in my last entry.
But that said, considering what I'm going to write, I'm not sure how or to what extent to convey my thoughts. I'm having
trouble with that.
So because I'm having issues there, I'm just gonna convey this to you all who I wish to see in Yoyogi, with the plain & clear
feelings I have, sticking to the honest feelings I have in my own heart.
Alright.
I hesitated on this. And even now I'm hesitating.
However, I'm going to say what I feel.
After my birthday, in the fall of last year, I was busy working on the album.
During that time, I stayed in LA for quite awhile, so I could only do my photoshoots & recording sessions.
News of Aneki's death had come from my mother, only immediately reaching Bancho, Ohji, and my closest staff members,
it seemed.
But everyone had discussed it, and they decided that telling me this would make it too hard for me to work, and they said I shouldn't know until I returned to Japan.
I didn't know what was going on, so in a very happy-go-lucky & easygoing way, I said,
"Hmm, how come I'm not getting any e-mails?"
They revealed the truth, and I found it to be extremely bitter.
So I finished all my work and came back home that very day. When I go to my house, Mommy was there.
Since we're not living together (in case you're wondering), she didn't say "okaeri", but her eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she started to say, "Ayu, Aneki has gone to Heaven."
I rushed out of the house, on my own. I got into a taxi, and very purposefully I went to Aneki's house.
I hadn't been able to comprehend everything until I saw that the power was off.
Then, I saw Aneki's ashes.
I don't know how long, but I was silent, remaining crouched down.
It really took a considerable amount of time before I was able to cope with the reality of all of it.
Having these kinds of feelings, the end of the year was a blur for me.
With a feeling of nothingness, I went through a number of events, and I ended up building a bigger & bigger wall around me.
That's how Countdown Live was.
The show Aneki was looking forward to.
After the show on the 31st finished, my heart was ruled by huge anxiety, something I haven't felt since then until now.
That's...wow, how to explain it...
I can't aptly apply it to words, but...
Even when I thought to myself "I have to be able to make it somehow!!!", I, who should have been determined to keep running,
was extremely depressed anyway.
Naturally, with everyone who came to the venue and even everyone who just watched on TV, I had the best & most amazing time on the 30th & 31st, and, this is an absolute fact, I was really happy.
However, I gave myself away, so I think many of you were probably able to understand.
No, absolutely, I think you all understood.
So, during those two days, there was the issue with my left ear not working, and it scared me. At the same time, I thought to
myself, I am a vocalist, but again, I'm also a human being, and I need to be able to lead the team. I thought I couldn't play both
roles.
In a performance, singing the songs is the most important thing. As such, the most basic and fundamental #1 thing wasn't there.
If I said anything as I was right then, I had no persuasive power. Moreover, this thing with Aneki influenced me to the point where even my judgement had been
considerably shaky.
One song, and then another...whenever I go to sing, my hearing condition continues to get worse, and my mood is nothing but impatient.
When I think like that, I can't sing. I can't be heard...
Without hitting on the problem, I was always getting angry and getting sad, feeling chagrin, but even in my head it was a jumble.
Anyway...even if you jsut watch the DVD, since there was a lot of crying during the show, so you can probably understand.
One way or another New Year arrived, thanks to the love of all the guests there, and the many wonderful staff & band
members and dancers, but I was always thinking.
Can I never sing like I used to?
Would that concert become my last?
For a very very long time, I was thinking so many, SOO MANY different things like this.
Thinking about it & thinking about it & thinking about it some more, I struggled to arrive at one solution.
And then, the answer came
Keep on singing.
Just like that.
From the day I decided that, I made a vow never again to complain or make any excuses.
And, as one of my ambitions for this year, I have been coming here to write,
to tell everyone my feelings.
Do you remember what was said?
So, during this year's long tour, I've been able to do absolutely everything.
Every day, every single day was filled up, and I was busy both mentally and physically.
But absolutely, I wasn't defeated. I couldn't be defeated.
Because I made a promise to everyone.
Once again, like I have in the past--
no, like I will from now on-- I've become strong enough to really stand on that grand stage.
I've been thinking like that during rehearsals for many months now.
Since then I've realized how quickly time is passing. It's surprising to think that tomorrow is already Yoyogi.
Lots of things happened during the tour...
I didn't think of these circumstances as challenging, though.
Because, even with all that stuff happening,
I know that you all understand, everyone.
It might be reckless to say, but even when feeling desperate inside,
the time spent with everyone during this tour was truly the
best time. My memories of these days shine more & more, quickly & strongly, and I become a better person for it.
I feel the importance of my 10th anniversary acutely through my whole self.
I began the tour at Yoyogi.
I clearly remember every exchange between my heart & everyone else's since that day.
Everyone's similing faces, tear-stained faces, perplexed faces, I love aaaallll of them.
Everyone's feelings are always transmitted to me.
I am very fortunate.
I thought, if I had to losemy left ear, it's alright that I keep on trying with my right ear.
But that's not quite right.
I haven't lost anything.
Because everyone has offered to become my left ear.
So my ears are stronger now.
That having been said, although I was smiling about this, and those were beautiful thoughts,
this writer has become useless.
The screen is getting blurry, so that's no good.
But I'll hold these tears back until the last day.
The tour continues into the Fall, but for right now, the domestic part of the tour ends with the two days in Yoyogi..........
I look forward to some serious fighting spirit!!!!!!!
Let's make it the best two days ever,
Yoyogi--------------------------!!!!!!
While saying that, I was secretly feeling very anxious.
Thank you for reading this until the very end.
Aneki, please always watch over me!!!!!


I found this article and thought it might be the one majrakun mentioned (^_^) It made me cry~~~~
I don't know why Ayu is trying to let people get out of the way all because of the red bracelet... I think there seems to be a symbol of friendship there with that red bracelet...
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 1st July 2010, 02:32 AM
mobius's Avatar
mobius mobius is offline
NEVER EVER Initiate
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: 芝加哥
Posts: 1,632
Thanks for the translation Misa.

Not really digging the red lipstick.

Its kinda cruel for one of her fans try to steal the red bracelet from her.

Glad that she still have it though, that bracelet meant a lot to her.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 1st July 2010, 03:39 AM
majrakun's Avatar
majrakun majrakun is offline
Over Initiate
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: BRUNEI.
Posts: 3,903
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain-kawaii123 View Post
Is this the entry?



I found this article and thought it might be the one majrakun mentioned (^_^) It made me cry~~~~
This is so... But no, it wasn't this one. This one is about Aneki. The friend she mentioned in the entry about the red bracelet was Bacchi, if I'm not mistaken. Let me search for it.

EDIT: Found it!

http://www.gaijinkanpai.com/main-pag...7-10-2009.html

*sniff*
__________________

honto no watashi wo anata wa wakaranai





Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 1st July 2010, 08:30 AM
yuki_unmei's Avatar
yuki_unmei yuki_unmei is offline
still alone Initiate
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: ♥in Chon-chan's Circus♥ (USA)
Posts: 2,570
Quote:
Originally Posted by captain-kawaii123 View Post
Is this the entry?

Spoiler:
Quote:
Tomorrow, the curtain will be closed on the Japan leg of the tour.
I have received thoughts from everyone I've met all over the
country, those who can't come to the show tomorrow, everyone
who answered me with all their strength, and even
everyone who's going to the show tomorrow, and thanks
to those precious, precious feelings all over my
whole body, I feel I am able to sing.
Because absolutely we're having a wonderful time.
No matter what's happening in a given moment, the thought of it burns into our hearts.
Today, everyone's love was flooding the venue,
and I felt like I could cry from the very first song.
All throughout Japan, you all, who love me so much,
were gathering together.
I truly, truly thank you.
Tomorrow, with all our hearts, let's decorate the last show with so many different smiles & tears together, and make the show
the best.
I'm doing this show with all my might!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, I make such judgement because I have come to talk about Countdown Live, following through with the declaration in my last entry.
But that said, considering what I'm going to write, I'm not sure how or to what extent to convey my thoughts. I'm having
trouble with that.
So because I'm having issues there, I'm just gonna convey this to you all who I wish to see in Yoyogi, with the plain & clear
feelings I have, sticking to the honest feelings I have in my own heart.
Alright.
I hesitated on this. And even now I'm hesitating.
However, I'm going to say what I feel.
After my birthday, in the fall of last year, I was busy working on the album.
During that time, I stayed in LA for quite awhile, so I could only do my photoshoots & recording sessions.
News of Aneki's death had come from my mother, only immediately reaching Bancho, Ohji, and my closest staff members,
it seemed.
But everyone had discussed it, and they decided that telling me this would make it too hard for me to work, and they said I shouldn't know until I returned to Japan.
I didn't know what was going on, so in a very happy-go-lucky & easygoing way, I said,
"Hmm, how come I'm not getting any e-mails?"
They revealed the truth, and I found it to be extremely bitter.
So I finished all my work and came back home that very day. When I go to my house, Mommy was there.
Since we're not living together (in case you're wondering), she didn't say "okaeri", but her eyes were filled to the brim with tears as she started to say, "Ayu, Aneki has gone to Heaven."
I rushed out of the house, on my own. I got into a taxi, and very purposefully I went to Aneki's house.
I hadn't been able to comprehend everything until I saw that the power was off.
Then, I saw Aneki's ashes.
I don't know how long, but I was silent, remaining crouched down.
It really took a considerable amount of time before I was able to cope with the reality of all of it.
Having these kinds of feelings, the end of the year was a blur for me.
With a feeling of nothingness, I went through a number of events, and I ended up building a bigger & bigger wall around me.
That's how Countdown Live was.
The show Aneki was looking forward to.
After the show on the 31st finished, my heart was ruled by huge anxiety, something I haven't felt since then until now.
That's...wow, how to explain it...
I can't aptly apply it to words, but...
Even when I thought to myself "I have to be able to make it somehow!!!", I, who should have been determined to keep running,
was extremely depressed anyway.
Naturally, with everyone who came to the venue and even everyone who just watched on TV, I had the best & most amazing time on the 30th & 31st, and, this is an absolute fact, I was really happy.
However, I gave myself away, so I think many of you were probably able to understand.
No, absolutely, I think you all understood.
So, during those two days, there was the issue with my left ear not working, and it scared me. At the same time, I thought to
myself, I am a vocalist, but again, I'm also a human being, and I need to be able to lead the team. I thought I couldn't play both
roles.
In a performance, singing the songs is the most important thing. As such, the most basic and fundamental #1 thing wasn't there.
If I said anything as I was right then, I had no persuasive power. Moreover, this thing with Aneki influenced me to the point where even my judgement had been
considerably shaky.
One song, and then another...whenever I go to sing, my hearing condition continues to get worse, and my mood is nothing but impatient.
When I think like that, I can't sing. I can't be heard...
Without hitting on the problem, I was always getting angry and getting sad, feeling chagrin, but even in my head it was a jumble.
Anyway...even if you jsut watch the DVD, since there was a lot of crying during the show, so you can probably understand.
One way or another New Year arrived, thanks to the love of all the guests there, and the many wonderful staff & band
members and dancers, but I was always thinking.
Can I never sing like I used to?
Would that concert become my last?
For a very very long time, I was thinking so many, SOO MANY different things like this.
Thinking about it & thinking about it & thinking about it some more, I struggled to arrive at one solution.
And then, the answer came
Keep on singing.
Just like that.
From the day I decided that, I made a vow never again to complain or make any excuses.
And, as one of my ambitions for this year, I have been coming here to write,
to tell everyone my feelings.
Do you remember what was said?
So, during this year's long tour, I've been able to do absolutely everything.
Every day, every single day was filled up, and I was busy both mentally and physically.
But absolutely, I wasn't defeated. I couldn't be defeated.
Because I made a promise to everyone.
Once again, like I have in the past--
no, like I will from now on-- I've become strong enough to really stand on that grand stage.
I've been thinking like that during rehearsals for many months now.
Since then I've realized how quickly time is passing. It's surprising to think that tomorrow is already Yoyogi.
Lots of things happened during the tour...
I didn't think of these circumstances as challenging, though.
Because, even with all that stuff happening,
I know that you all understand, everyone.
It might be reckless to say, but even when feeling desperate inside,
the time spent with everyone during this tour was truly the
best time. My memories of these days shine more & more, quickly & strongly, and I become a better person for it.
I feel the importance of my 10th anniversary acutely through my whole self.
I began the tour at Yoyogi.
I clearly remember every exchange between my heart & everyone else's since that day.
Everyone's similing faces, tear-stained faces, perplexed faces, I love aaaallll of them.
Everyone's feelings are always transmitted to me.
I am very fortunate.
I thought, if I had to losemy left ear, it's alright that I keep on trying with my right ear.
But that's not quite right.
I haven't lost anything.
Because everyone has offered to become my left ear.
So my ears are stronger now.
That having been said, although I was smiling about this, and those were beautiful thoughts,
this writer has become useless.
The screen is getting blurry, so that's no good.
But I'll hold these tears back until the last day.
The tour continues into the Fall, but for right now, the domestic part of the tour ends with the two days in Yoyogi..........
I look forward to some serious fighting spirit!!!!!!!
Let's make it the best two days ever,
Yoyogi--------------------------!!!!!!
While saying that, I was secretly feeling very anxious.
Thank you for reading this until the very end.
Aneki, please always watch over me!!!!!


I found this article and thought it might be the one majrakun mentioned (^_^) It made me cry~~~~
Wow...I never saw this before... srsly crying right now.
My love for her just grew even more... if that's even possible.

Do you know what date this is from??
__________________


♫set by ownsarai♫
☆We are One, A World is One☆
♥ayu i love you with MY ALL♥

Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
ayu's diary, hamasaki ayumi, hong kong, team ayu, teamayu


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:23 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.