[Translation] Latest TA post [19th May 2017] - Health and ear condition

[Deep snow]

I hope ayu gets access to all the best sorts of medical treatment money can buy. I want to believe there's still hope in all this. I'm so sad.

[rainbow_smile]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

Maybe almost 20 years ago it could have helped her and now it can't anymore. And even complaining about that is stupid because it's not like she could take a time machine and review decisions she made about her health when she was younger.

Besides, back then she didn't have as much control over her career, so it's most likely that she pushed herself back then and ruined her health because avex forced her to.

[orbitalaspect]

Originally Posted by CatGirl

We don't know that for sure. That is just an assumption. Let Ayu make this decision for herself, because she's the only one who has all the results from her doctor.

I know most of our speculation is just assumption. However, with hearing loss, it's extremely rare for it to slow or stop, and damn near unheard of (no pun intended) for hearing to improve over time. It's entirely possible Ayu could recover her hearing through an implant, but she would still not be able to sing.

The more I think about this, the more I worry that Ayu would, at some point in the far future, end up ending her own life over her hearing loss. She hasn't had an easy life. She's had an even harder career. The only comparable person of Ayu's level of fame is Namie, but even her troubles are way, way behind her. I mean, Ayu has struggled so much with family, her struggle with being seen as a brand and not as a person, and with loss and grief. She's never had the personal space to come to terms with close friends who've passed, her dogs passing, her grandmother passing at the start of her career... She's just buried all of it and been there for us, month after month, year after year.

This puts so much into perspective. I remember crying when MADE IN JAPAN was released because I realized it wasn't the music, it was Ayu. And now we know it isn't from any lack of effort by Ayu. It's because she's been chipping away at her physical and mental health so all of us could keep the experience alive, waaaay past its natural shelf life, for 20 years. There's no reason Ayu should be the biggest selling solo artist in Japanese history, except that all of us shared her music and her meaning with other people, over and over, and that she kept on singing when there were still some of us who weren't ready for Hamasaki Ayumi to close.

It's been 7 years since my best friend last saw an Ayu release. And his first album was (miss)understood. My first Ayu album was Secret. And I still want to know what her next ballad/rock/dance song sounds like. I still want to know what the next tour logo looks like. And I still talk about her like she's got a new single coming out any month now.

I've fallen in love with a lot of other Japanese, Korean, and Mandopop artists for various reasons. But the end of Hamasaki Ayumi is the end of the very first chapter I ever opened in my experience of foreign music. And I can't help but look at the woman behind the music I've known for 11 years and wonder if she even knows who she is or remembers much of who she was before 1998. So, I'm worried. I'm really worried. Because Hamasaki Ayumi deciding to tour or stop touring, to make music or stop making music, isn't the decision for which I need assurance. I feel like I need to know if I will be playing Last angel in 10 years, mourning over a life that ended with a career, or if Hamasaki Ayumi can walk away from this with a sense of purpose driving her forward.

Shit, even if she came out on TA and said that she'll spend the rest of her life standing at busy intersections in Tokyo with signs reminding people to do an annual hearing test, I'd feel like we're not looking at a much bigger tragedy in the making. But this is Ayumi. And we all know what Ayu would do, but we don't know Hamasaki Ayumi well enough to know what she'll do.

[Machiko]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

For some reason some people read "I'm going deaf" and understood "my hearing will be magically recovered by unicorns if I took a hiatus".

They're suddenly all doctors who know everything just in order to blame it all on Ayu and to have an excuse to complain. smh

Honestly people just want someone to blame. Believing you know how she feels and arguing that "I love my job, but I would do this and wouldn't do that" is completely pointless and arrogant, she isn't you, you aren't Ayu. You are nowhere near to the point where you can compare your own life and conditions with hers. You didn't live her life. You're not going through what she is right now. You don't and never will know how she feels.

Originally Posted by rainbow_smile

Besides, back then she didn't have as much control over her career, so it's most likely that she pushed herself back then and ruined her health because avex forced her to.

[BabyJane]

Originally Posted by Andrenekoi

Now how do you know that? Did you had some tea with Ayu yesterday and she told that herself? Do you have any access to her medical records? Are you her doctor?

I don't know you, but I will guess a "no".

We have no idea of what is actually happening to her, we only know she is getting deaf. There's no evidence that stopping her career would make it better, or make it worsen slower, nor that it would actually give her hearing longer time. We don't know anything about that. Maybe almost 20 years ago it could have helped her and now it can't anymore. And even complaining about that is stupid because it's not like she could take a time machine and review decisions she made about her health when she was younger.

Saying she should do this or that when we don't even know what her condition really is, there's no point in doing that.

Thank you! You wrote exactly what I had on my mind! Thank you!

[melissalove]

This remains me of premium count down live. When ayu preformed with a recent arm operation. :/

[Ayu_desu]

Stopped following Ayu for many years now, but after reading the news, I felt more indifference than loss. This is the same feeling I get when I read about thrillseekers who die doing extreme stunts and activities like climbing skyscrapers without harnesses or wingsuit flying. And what do most of them say when asked why they would knowingly endanger their own lives? "We'll all die one way or another, I'm going to die for my passion."

Whenever I hear that, I feel that they know the risks and if they want to put their health and lives on the line, then they don't get any sympathy from me when something wrong happens.

If Ayu was worried about her health, she wouldn't​ have pushed so much for her career and for her fans. There are so many ways she could have reached​ out to her fans but still kept her health in check, like holding smaller acoustic-style lives, or cutting the amount of live performances. But since she chose to live her life this way, I respect her decision but she doesn't get any sympathy from me with this news.

[taskinillusion]

Alright. This subject is extremely sensitive and emotional for most of us here. We encourage discussion to help us cope with what's going on, but that does not mean you get to come in here and treat each other poorly because of differing opinions. BE RESPECTFUL to each other and also, be respectful of Ayu. This is, first and foremost, an AYUMI HAMASAKI FORUM. So no, you don't get to come in here and bash her just because you like Utada and Namie better. Either be respectful to one another, or this thread will get closed. Some of you have already had several past infractions due to artist bashing, so consider this your last warning.

[BlackSilence]

Now when it's been a couple of days and i digested the news...i think i can understand her better. Being a creativity driven person myself, i can forget sleeping and eating when i get into the mode of creating things. I very often do it when i'm sick at home too, when i should be resting instead! I somewhat can relate to her way of doing things. If someone forbade me to create things and took all my tools away of doing that, I'd be done. It's MY driving force in this world, that keeps me sane. It's a huge part of who i am, and music is a massive part of who Ayu is. That fact and passion is probably much stronger than any disease! It's in your veins, you just cannot live without it. people who don't just blindly immerse themselves into something, won't really be able to grasp it. Even though i said before that without health you won't be able to do what you love, sometimes, i guess, what you love is more important than your health.

For some of us, fans, we just want to think that taking things easy and slowing down would slow the process, but truth is we don't know, it's just a comforting idea that we want to cling to because imagining j-music world without Ayu is hella scary.

[Aoneboy]

This is just so sad, I wish she could just take a long long hiatus, to really maximize on taking care of herself and maybe she might get cured miraculously who knows ? We've got more than enough Ayu songs and concerts these years that we can surely go 2-3 years without hearing from her musically, knowing she's getting the rest and the treatment she deserves

[kendelle]

Originally Posted by Deep snow

I hope ayu gets access to all the best sorts of medical treatment money can buy. I want to believe there's still hope in all this. I'm so sad.

same. medical technology leaps and bounds every year and Ayu can get the best that can be bought....I'll just wish her the best as idk what she'd do if she lost her hope of performing...

Originally Posted by melissalove

This remains me of premium count down live. When ayu preformed with a recent arm operation. :/

And she filmed Rule's PV with no cast on with her broken arm

[Yumsushi]

Originally Posted by Chibi-Chan

There is nothing wrong with wanting being on stage and wanting to perform your songs live. But I simply don't believe it when someone, who actually didn't had an illness that wouldn't have been curable chooses getting deaf over functional ears, says it's because they love music that much.
Ayu had the chance to continue making music and even to tour again without losing her ability to hear. There won't be music for her ever again if she goes on like this. She made an absolute irresponsible choice regarding her health back then when she continued touring with a tinnitus and she's doing the same again.
Ayu didn't choose music back then, she chose being on stage. Not being on stage for a while and to get well wouldn't have ment to never perform again. I honestly don't think it was music she loved that much that she would rather not be able to ever listen to it again than to take a little break.
I know what it means to work to a degree and with a passion that you're so stressed out that you get a tinnitus, but I also know what every doctor will tell you then: REST.
Working that hard that you get a tinnitus means you're not feeling well, not at all, and most likely you're commitment to whatever you're doing resembles more an unhealthy relationship you put all your heart into because otherwise you don't have much and you also have some unsolved problems you're running away from. That is not something to praise or that would be brave to do.
Ayu could have gotten well back then and could have focused on writing and composing for a while, in order to get the rest she needed. She did the contrary. And she sure as hell didn't do it because of her love for music, but because she somehow wasn't able to be as responsible to herself as she should have been. I'm sure it's easier to tell oneself it was because of music than to admit she was more acting like a child.
Back then she was only around 21/22, but when she grew up there should have been a time when she realised she should take a break. Somehow she never realised that and reading her TA message it simply seems to me as if she just wants to be on stage because she needs the attention, since she is running away from something else. That is tragic and sad and I really hope she has some friends who will talk some sense into her. Being on stage and therefore losing your ability to hear is a prize way too high to pay.
Like I already sad, not doing 100+ dates every tour and maybe not touring for a year or two wouldn't have ment to never tour and perform again. But doing it ment becoming deaf. That isn't love for music, that is irresponsible and it's sad that it seems she doesn't care about her health and that there never was someone who told her she should care about her health. Reading her TA message there seem to be a lot of assholes around her who are more concerned about the entertainer Hamasaki Ayumi and the entertainment they get than with the person Hamasaki Ayumi.
Also judging by the responses in the forum here and how people praise her for putting being an entertainer over being healthy, it's no wonder she may think that her worth as the artist Hamasaki Ayumi lies on the stage. Maybe that's the real tragedy here.

Hearing loss and tinnitus is generally worsened by loud noises, maybe a hiatus would have stopped the progression of the hearing loss, maybe not but I can't fathom why she would choose to increase the amount of dancing she does on her shows with a knee that is that bad. When I saw her live, she got on the floor for shake it or lalala and crawled around on the stage. I appreciate the effort, especially now that I know she had a bad knee but its not like that sort of dancing is an essential part of her show yet she went ahead with it and hid it from other people.

This is why I can't fault anyone here who are saying she wore her body out. As fans we would be happier for her to be healthy and be able perform for a long time rather than run her body to the ground because her love for the stage knows no logic. She's really not doing us any favors at all.

[love in music]

This makes me extremely sad. You could say she did it to herself, but the woman obviously has some mental issues that cause her to think her only purpose is music/performing. I honestly think she's talented enough that she could do a LOT more in this life, and be fulfilled just as much, and not continue to bring her health down. I wish she could realize that.

[truehappiness]

I don't think mental issues is the right way to put it, but I think it's similar to people that may question their existence if they lose things that they are passionate about. Like say, a chef losing their sense of taste.

[Maemi]

Originally Posted by Yumsushi

Hearing loss and tinnitus is generally worsened by loud noises, maybe a hiatus would have stopped the progression of the hearing loss, maybe not but I can't fathom why she would choose to increase the amount of dancing she does on her shows with a knee that is that bad. When I saw her live, she got on the floor for shake it or lalala and crawled around on the stage. I appreciate the effort, especially now that I know she had a bad knee but its not like that sort of dancing is an essential part of her show yet she went ahead with it and hid it from other people.

This is why I can't fault anyone here who are saying she wore her body out. As fans we would be happier for her to be healthy and be able perform for a long time rather than run her body to the ground because her love for the stage knows no logic. She's really not doing us any favors at all.

Exactly And what makes it even worse is that when she stops performing for good, most people (except hardcore fans) will forget about her performances and she will end up with ruined health, not able to sing anymore. So it's no wonder many fans here are asking "is it really worth it?" Of course, it is up to her and she already made her decision long time ago, but I can't respect that decision. Even if I were her friend I would not respect or agree with it.

[Kilyk]

I'm just hoping for the best every day. Every song I listen to with my whole heart I hope that she can pull through and everything will work itself out with her health. I am planning on seeing her once the 3rd leg of this tour gets released. I want to be able to see her now just in case it may be too late down the road.

No matter what I'll always love her!

[BlackSilence]

Originally Posted by truehappiness

I don't think mental issues is the right way to put it, but I think it's similar to people that may question their existence if they lose things that they are passionate about. Like say, a chef losing their sense of taste.

yep. this.

[MeltingCORE]

Some of these comments: ew.

I feel bad for Ayu.

[thinkingoutloud89]

I'm only waiting for the news after this tour be like "okay, now I can't even record anymore because I was so stubborn and my hearing got worse" and she won't even be able to do anything in music anymore.

Honestly speaking, for everyone who still thinks she is doing the right thing, that is what she is facing. I truly understand the whole "music is my existence" thing, and I don't wanna take the fact away that there are though decisions to make - but she is not the only human being ever who faces such motions. She needs a wake-up call and she needs it know.

[ストロボ・EdGE]

A little horrified at many of the comments here which can be summed up as "She had it coming".