[Article] ayumi hamasaki HP SPECIAL vol.4 Secret interview

[truehappiness]

Originally translated by evolusean, devilayu, and asako@AYUNITE!. First half was evolusean's work, and second half was asako's. LABYRINTH was done by devilayu.

01. Not yet
words: ayumi hamasaki
music & arrangement: CMJK

ayu: Pretty much the album opening! I guess it's a flat-out question. I've encrusted the entire album with secrets... secrets of people... secrets which have various meanings of various assortments.

ayu: And also, the miracle leading up to here. The term "miracle" is close to my heart... Finishing this album -- that has been a miracle = my heart. I didn't make this miracle happen, but I feel like it has happened because of various people other myself = the staff involved and everyone else related. Those 2 have been the base of this album. This opening song is really a question to everyone listening to these "secrets" and "miracles", asking if they will find them in the album.

02. until that Day...
words: ayumi hamasaki
music & arrangement: CMJK

ayu: This was originally a song made by CMJK to be used as an instrumental. It was really short, but I really loved the feel of the guitar and the B-melody, so told him I'd love it if he could make it a full-length song. Ever since I first heard the song, I had in mind what I wanted to write about. The lyrics I wanted to express were in my head, so I was just waiting for CMJK's song. So I waited, but once it came, it was so hard to fit the words to it! (wry laugh)

mister kaz: It's rattled off pretty fast, huh?

ayu: Yeah. It was so hard to make the words hit right on the notes. I had something I wanted to say, but fitting the words to the notes, as well as having to always cut at a good spot for breaths, it was difficult. I made a kind of word puzzle at home.

mister kaz: Like... you wrote down and combined synonyms with the same meaning as those of the words you wanted to express?

ayu: Yeah! On pieces of paper, I would put down words I wanted to write, as well as synonyms for those words. Then, I'd line up the papers, and combine them as I changed around the order. I made this song very differently from the way I usually write.

mister kaz: Like "This won't work because it has 5 characters..."?

Ayu: Right, right! Like, saying "tanoshii" as 3 sounds = how would it be if I said a different 3 character word? So at first it was a lot of trial-and-error, but this time it got to be so that I just had to express what I wanted to express. It's most important to say what you want to say, but it's really hard to stick to that and still make the word-count match up.

mister kaz: And the tempo is pretty fast, too!

ayu: I hadn't had such a fast song that really kept more or less the same sound. In the world of lyrics, I really try to be positive, but when I heard the impressions of my staff, there were some who got really heartbroken or sad and cried!

03. Startin'
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Kazuhiro Hara
arrangement: CMJK

ayu: We did the recording for this song in New York, but the sound in the studio was so good it was so easy to sing. There are a lot of people who have an image of "Startin'" being from dancing with the dancers during a tour or a-nation, but it was originally made to be a band-only song. I've done rock songs like "GAME" or "is this LOVE?", but this is the first time I've challenged myself with a vocal style like "Startin'"! While I was singing, I felt "You can sing like this too". What really brought out that new vocal style was doing the recording in the New York studio with such good sound and nice atmosphere.

mister kaz: The PV, too, has a strong, new CG feel like never before, doesn't it?

ayu: Yeah it does. I've known Director Ishii (Ishii-chan), who did "Startin'", since around high school, but even though I knew he was a director, we had never worked together. I was a little at odds as to how he would go about it (wry laugh). And even after knowing eachother so well from long ago, because it's work, you can't just go with it the way you normally would.

mister kaz: And like, your relationship in that case is that of artist-director!

ayu: Right. So that made it kind of... too... humble? So I guess it was a little awkward; it felt like a relative had come to work.

mister kaz: What sort of person is Director Ishii to you?

ayu: He gets it without me having to say it. So it was really easy to do, and I have confidence that we were able to make something really good. It was almost entirely CG, so there was a lot of performing in front of a green screen (to combine the images), but I felt like because it was Ishii-chan, we could do it! Because he believes in it, we could do it!

04. 1 LOVE
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Yoji Noi
arrangement: HΛL

ayu: This is another new vocal style. I don't think I've had such strong vocals until now, like yelling... I didn't make a conscious effort to, but the music (=melody) and words pulled that kind of vocal style out of me. I made the new discovery that I had that in me. The lyrics are really driving, edgy, and really powerful. But I think that up close it's got a subtle heartbroken sadness to it.

mister kaz: The rock arrangement for the song was HAL, but it was a surprising! Also that Mr. Sunaga did the PV direction... Kind of like your inner Mr. Sunaga imagined making something that had a bright and fun side to it, like "Greatful days", but also a surreal side.

ayu: Yeah, maybe. You felt surprised?? I had a feeling that Mr. Sunaga would come up with something, so I asked for something extraordinary. Then, after we finished, it turned out to be a really awesome PV! But! The pole dancing hurt (tear). The next day I was covered in bruises! (laugh)

mister kaz: Really?? You seemed totally fine during the filming!

ayu: When I was actually doing it, I was, but during the filming I was fine because I was concentrating on something. I didn't feel the pain... But the next day it hurt (laugh)! Oh man, it was so hard to get out of bed. I'd try to get up, but my neck and back hurt, and I couldn't move my body at all (laugh). Even at the time, I had never really done so much tossing of my head and bending of my body.

mister kaz: What hurt the most? Your neck or your back?

ayu: No, it was the palm of my right hand, which was holding on to the pole! From the morning of the filming to the next morning, I was holding the pole only with my right hand to support my body... oh, it got bright red! I reconsidered how amazing pole dancers are!

05. It was
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Naruya Ihashi
arrangement: tasuku

ayu: This was one of the songs we had gathered up for the (miss)understood album. I didn't use it then, but of course I really liked it and had tasuku arrange it. I felt like I wanted the lyrics to not end very clearly, or like I wanted to make lyrics which ended on a confused note. There were lots of different ones, but now I feel like... no, we went through several before getting out a (rough) ending, but it seems like it's still confused. Sometimes people people drag around certain times and mistakes, and sometimes there are things that people regret, aren't there? I wanted to write of a world that seemed to smell of real people. Everyone's got to have those kind of feelings, so I felt I wanted to share that emotion.

mister kaz: In a sense... life is a string of regrets, but people have to go on living. By the way, this song has a similar, but different ending from "Over".

ayu: That would be because it properly "puts and end" to it.

mister kaz: But as far as life is concerned, there is more confusion and regret like in "It was", rather than as in "Over".

ayu: But it's not always going to be pretty, and you can't always just suck it up, can you? There are more times when, no matter how bad it looks, no matter how pitiful it is, you have to go on with your life. But "It was" isn't just about regret, but it has a "do your best to be positive" side to it! As far as life is concerned, rather than worrying whether to regret or not to regret, or worrying about being cool or uncool, I think it's more important to try to be positive!

06. LABYRINTH
music & arrangement : HAL

ayu: The melody is a really beautiful piece of music. Though in the piece there isn't really a song or words, there is meaning in it and the message is heartfelt. So, why is 'LABYRINTH' here (between 'It was' and 'JEWEL')? What does 'LABYRINTH' mean? I want you to think about it. I think you'll be happy when you find the answer.

07. JEWEL
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Tetsuya Yukumi
arrangement: Shingo Kobayashi

ayu: This is a symbolic work in the album Secret. It starts with solo piano and calmly ends with it, it consistently uses the piano sound to express the tone. I haven’t had this kind of song in a while so it was refreshing to me, and also nostalgic. Like meeting my former self… since I’ve sung this song several times on TV I think this is an impressive song to everyone, too, but it was originally a precious song to me through the performance on TV, it is becoming more precious to me lately.

mister kaz: The PV was by Takeishi director?

ayu: When deciding to shoot the PV of JEWEL, I thought “No one but Takeishi-san” could visualize the images of my songs so I offered him without hesitation. So it wasn’t by chance, it was a fatality. I believe it turned out to be great work.

mister kaz: It was like “as might be expected, Takeishi director!” And it is awesome that you cant even tell the boarder line of real and CG.

ayu: Yeah. Things were shiny and splendid throughout and it was just pretty. Wonder how many hours it took? I wanna see his working on it.

mister kaz: Indeed I wanna see!

ayu: Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!! We’ve gotta write that the making scenes are soooo great!

mister kaz : Right! One can’t imagine that it (mystery) was happening just behind the fantasy PV shooting…. -laughs-

08. momentum
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Tetsuya Yukumi
arrangement: HAL

ayu: It’s a song that took me forever to record my singing. I’m usually quick when it comes to recording but it took 4 days just for this song! Confined myself in the vocal booth and never got out. It was like, I almost felt like sleeping in that place *bitter smile* This song has taken the longest time to make ever since “Hamasaki Ayumi history” started. So it really reminds me or, should I say, it makes me cry just by listening to it.
My impression of this song is that the melody’s pretty. Just like Secret, it has Yuku’s unique atmosphere that is “Sad because it is too beautiful”.

mister kaz: The PV also has that “sad/missing/lonely” and “fragile” feeling!

ayu: What I want to express through momentum is that our feeling (=heart) and actual behavior don’t actually follow each other. We know things in mind, but we do it anyway… that point, the director Takeishi-san understands it well and make it into the PV. I want to touch him/her but I can’t. I want to appear in sight of her/him, but I should not. I know it, but I can’t stop crying, something like that…

mister kaz: Yeah! That’s exactly like that. But for now we also have a dilemma that we want to tell the truth (answer) of the PV but we can’t say that, right? -laughs-

ayu: Yup! There’s also something fun waiting to be discovered by you, too!

09 taskinst
music and arrangement: tasuku

ayu: This is one of the task series, which has become customary to my album. -laughs- First of all please laugh at the title. -laughs- This one’s also like “this is task” and I like it. The melody’s pretty with the music box sound, it is sad and also eerie… sort of.
It starts with heart-beating atmosphere and all of a sudden, the guitar sound strikes! it really shows what task is like.

10. Born To Be...
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Kazuhiro Hara
arrangement: CMJK

ayu: The image of Born To Be…I had when it was a single and the one I have now after inserting this song in this place in this completed album is very different. Although it is my song, I have discovered many different aspects of it and became to like it more. In the PV there is a scene that I talk about my future dream and such, and having asked what I’d do if I were to meet my former self, I answered “I’d want to tell me that future isn’t fearful”, but I now understand that meaning more than I did when I actually made that song. I think I can now feel what it meant.
And this year’s tour had this Born To Be… as the opening song, whenever I listen to this song it reminds me of the LED showing the A-mark, shining lights spotting me and the audience cheering for me! A first song in a live concert have got to grab the audience’s heart or else it ruins the day. It really affects the mood of that day’s live, and sometimes the first song determines the rest. So it most requires concentration and tense.

11. Beautiful Fighters
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Kazuhito Kikuchi
arrangement: CMJK

ayu: This song is arranged by CMJK-san and I take off my hat and bow to his idea and imagination! It says things like “Piiii! Hai, hai!” and such. -laughs- It’s real fun to work with him. He gives depth to the world of my lyrics!
The world of lyrics is a daily life of real girls. Girls of today are actually stronger! They are cute but they say surrealism stuff so naturally. I think that gap between the lyric world and its arrange and melody is interesting. The PV was also good! Indeed, Midoring’s post officer is cool. -laughs-

mister kaz: You said that in your live’s MC too? Answering to “What if you were a man to choose one from the girls dancers?” and you gave an answer “Midoring!”

ayu: Yeah. She’s cute. With Kayanocchi, Chisa-chan and Aki-chan, I feel like having fun loudly between girls like “Isn’t that *****” or “hey, you know what??”, but to Midoring I’m more like “Midori-chan, you are real cute” or something like that. Well in reality she has a 6-pack. -laughs- I also like that gap.

mister kaz: When looking at that PV they are more like actors than dancers.

ayu: Our dancers are not just dancers but actors and actresses. They have exceeded the frame of “dance” already!

mister kaz: There are times when we said “we couldn’t have made our lives without them!”.

ayu: Yeah. When having tours, I am hoping that they not only dance but also do tell and deliver (their emotion). There aren’t too many people who can do that, and who can get the chance to do it. I really respect them.

12. BLUE BIRD
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: DAI
arrangement: HAL

ayu: I have memories of PV of BLUE BIRD than its recording! Niigata performance + BLUE BIRD PV (in Guam) + Sendai performance are like a set to me. -laughs-

mister kaz: Yeah. Those days were awesome. They were really tough that I don’t even remember anything about Guam *bitter smile*

ayu: “Get some sleep on the way! You aren’t going home for a while!” and such. -laughs- Hey, you remember what kind of planes you flew with and such?

mister kaz: Not at all. -laughs-

ayu: Our schedules are always fascinating though. -laughs- But Niigata performance + BLUE BIRD PV (in Guam) + Sendai performance are the most fascinating ones ever. -laughs-

mister kaz: The “fascinating” here is translated as “hard”. -laughs-

ayu: And about BLUE BIRD, I feel that I tended to ask Kaz for advise than usual. How’s this way of shooting, how’s this angle? And questions of lights and advises.

mister kaz: That’s right. But it was hard to be a messenger between Ishii director and each staff while taking videos and photographs. *bitter smile*

ayu: Yeah I can imagine. -laughs- But there was less time than usual, and everyone was nervous than usual, but Kaz understood me well and you had known Ishii-chan for long so I had a lot to ask for help…

mister kaz: And after coming back to Japan, I thought that I could try editing Blue Bird with Ishii director.

ayu: You talked with me most at the shooting, and you knew so well like using that photo taken there to this place in this way and such.

mister kaz: Yup! It was really good experience.

ayu: It was our first time to create one work till its end so we had an unusual delighted feeling when it was done.

mister kaz: Indeed! And we happened to run the PV on the last day of the tour and…. Well,, I almost started crying in the middle of shooting (there is a rumor that he actually was crying. -laughs-). By the way, what’s your image of the PV?

ayu: As for me, the colors are so pretty! And it could be done because it was made when I was going round with the tour fellas (dancers), and we could get over those days because of our tight bonds and trusts. Same as memories in Guam, our bonds on the stage right after coming back from Guam was also amazing.

13. kiss o' kill
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Tetsuya Yukumi
arrangement: Keiji Tanabe

ayu: as for kiss o' kill, I love Tanabe-san’s arrangement. It “hurts” from the introduction when kids are making noises. You pass by a park and hear playing kids’ innocent voice, it is warm but makes you feel sad or miss something on the other hand. This song has that kind of image. And I feel confession-like feeling throughout the song. Because we become adults, we lose things, throw things away, earn something, learn something we don’t wish to learn, see things we are not supposed to see… through those things, we learn means to protect ourselves smoothly, but it can also hurt other people… innocent kids’ voices and the confession-like part of ourselves as grown-ups. Both are present in this song, and I think it really hurts.

mister kaz: Kids’ gaya (voice) joins again and again?

ayu: Originally there wasn’t much, but I thought it was the main point of this song.

mister kaz: Contrarily, kids actually have sides that are more cruel than adults think they are.

ayu: There is cruelness made out of innocence, too. That’s why it feels warm but also makes us sad.

14. Secret
words: ayumi hamasaki
music: Tetsuya Yukumi
arrangement: HIKARI

ayu: This is a song that took me so long to record my voice and I was living in the vocal booth. -laughs- momentum as well took a long time, but this had a different reason… I wanted to record Secret with only 1 take. So, I didn’t want to do “Today we take the first chores part, and tomorrow we take the second part” style. I was thinking that it was definitely necessary to have some tense from the beginning to the end, so every time I challenged thinking “I record this song with one take only!” but it was really hard… *bitter smile* Devil in me interrupt my concentration. *bitter smile* “Why can’t I do this??” and I had an urge many times that I wanted to get out of the studio. But I endured it… it was totally a fight with myself. So I thought “If I run away, I lose. I will never lose myself!”.

mister kaz: These days when we were recording Secret, there was unusual atmosphere in the studio. Like we cannot speak to ayu… and this Secret’s completion was also the completion of the album Secret!

ayu: Secret was the last song to record so its mix (final adjustment of the music) was also the last, and when it ended I almost cried with the all staffs.

mister kaz: “Almost cried”, you mean you didn’t cry?

ayu: Yeah. Secret was done but we have many other things to do, and it’s not only this year but also toward the next year… (mystery). If we think about it, we have no time to stop and rest!

mister kaz: So you have no time to cry because you have that (mystery) in the next year?

ayu: When this album Secret was done, I really felt like crying but I felt that if I cried everything might collapse, every feeling would elapse, so I can’t cry, still do your best, keep it up, and I feel that I’m still running for it.