[romaji & translation] Don't look back - Page 3 - Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai
· Ayu's Official Site · Ayu's twitter · Ayu's YouTube · masa's translations · Misa-chan's translations ·


Go Back   Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai > Ayumi Hamasaki Forums > Ayu Music News

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 28th March 2010, 04:20 PM
waterballoon's Avatar
waterballoon waterballoon is offline
count down Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Lands of EDEN
Posts: 17,709
oh seriously thank you masa, appears and oji!
__________________

YAYAYAYA GAGAGAGA DADADADA WOWOWOWO

Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 28th March 2010, 04:40 PM
masa masa is offline
Free & Easy H-Initiate
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 901
To: appears

1. It's good to use [it's ... that] here. But I have some other questions. I feel "kakkowarui" has stronger meaning than "unattractive" and it should be translated to "uncool" or "awkward". The other point is "part". It's clear that she is saying about her mental side, not physical side. Is it clear, if we use the word "part"?

2. I change this part according to your suggestion. Thank you.

3. I think "nothing consumes me with stimulation" is a good translation.

Last edited by masa; 28th March 2010 at 04:48 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 28th March 2010, 04:48 PM
oji-i-san's Avatar
oji-i-san oji-i-san is offline
Depend on you Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by appears View Post
hey man, it's not just between masa and myself, anyone is welcome to participate in this to get the best possible translation

1 yes, that's exactly what i thought

2 somewhat can be used, it just sounds a little too literally for my liking, i prefer to use colloquialisms to make it sound more real...

3 i feel that -carry a torch for- is too poetic and has a slightly different nuance, also in this case -胸を焦がす刺激も無い- is literally translated as -nothing consumes me with stimulation-... maybe we could get a bit philosophical and say -but my soul would feel empty- or -but i would feel empty- ???
hehe, Thank you

2. hmm.. other than [somewhat] I don't have good words right now. I think [a little], [a bit], etc have different meaning than 幾らか/いくらか/ikuraka. If ayu used [ちょっとは/chottowa] here, it would perfectly fit with [a little/a bit], though...

Compared to ちょっとは, I believe いくらか is slightly less-colloquial.

3. To be honest, ... I like this [carry a torch] . [胸を焦がす] is one of expressions of a feeling of love.
(Please, for example, go to this dictionary page and search for [胸を焦がす]:
http://www.kenkyusha.co.jp/modules/0...p?content_id=1)

And both [torch] and [焦がす] have an image of fire.

How do you all think? Let me come here and check this thread again tomorrow night
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 28th March 2010, 05:40 PM
Peruseusu Peruseusu is offline
Initiate
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Germany
Posts: 3,340
thx ^^
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 28th March 2010, 06:15 PM
Maraschino's Avatar
Maraschino Maraschino is offline
poker face Initiate
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 72
i love this lyrics!!!
it's genuine, reminds me of Duty......
__________________
tatta hitosu no JEWEL
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 28th March 2010, 08:40 PM
Ayu_Ready's Avatar
Ayu_Ready Ayu_Ready is offline
monochrome Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: France
Posts: 724
It's very beautiful ^^ I love the song =)
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 29th March 2010, 12:21 AM
appears's Avatar
appears appears is offline
Connected Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: 獨逸
Posts: 2,370
Quote:
Originally Posted by masa View Post
To: appears

1. It's good to use [it's ... that] here. But I have some other questions. I feel "kakkowarui" has stronger meaning than "unattractive" and it should be translated to "uncool" or "awkward". The other point is "part". It's clear that she is saying about her mental side, not physical side. Is it clear, if we use the word "part"?

2. I change this part according to your suggestion. Thank you.

3. I think "nothing consumes me with stimulation" is a good translation.
1 so, in this case, you can use ”side” to display characteristics... and if you are not satisfied with 'unattractive' i would suggest 'ugly', which not only refers to physical but also mental traits, i.e 'it's my ugly side, which i hold so dear to me' etc...

3 this does not sound like natural english... firstly because of the previous sentence, this one must also be in the conditional tense, but furthermore i don't think it's best to directly translate this, rather to colloquialise into -nothing would excite me [enough]- as excite also conveys the process stimulation...

Quote:
Originally Posted by oji-i-san View Post
hehe, Thank you

2. hmm.. other than [somewhat] I don't have good words right now. I think [a little], [a bit], etc have different meaning than 幾らか/いくらか/ikuraka. If ayu used [ちょっとは/chottowa] here, it would perfectly fit with [a little/a bit], though...

Compared to ちょっとは, I believe いくらか is slightly less-colloquial.

3. To be honest, ... I like this [carry a torch] . [胸を焦がす] is one of expressions of a feeling of love.
(Please, for example, go to this dictionary page and search for [胸を焦がす]:
http://www.kenkyusha.co.jp/modules/0...p?content_id=1)

And both [torch] and [焦がす] have an image of fire.

How do you all think? Let me come here and check this thread again tomorrow night
1 it's true, but いくらか can also have the meaning of やや, no? which is -a little / some-... somewhat sounds quite literary to me

3 i checked your link, but it didn't come up with carry a torch... in japanese it's differentですよ…
口語~ (…に)《片思ひの》恋をする[して悩む];(…のために)忠誠を尽くす, 運動をする
is -to carry a torch-... one translation of [mune wo kogasu] means to be consumed by something, in the context of this song, "stimulation" / excitement...
__________________

A Song for XY
煽動、戦争、懺悔、告解、欺瞞、謎、愛、そして別離…。


歩き続ける 唄い続ける 辛い現実が そこに待ってても 必ず行くよキミはきっと キズつきながら そして  悲しみながら 喜びながら 進むべき道は ひとつだから
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 29th March 2010, 02:56 AM
MissElin_'s Avatar
MissElin_ MissElin_ is offline
forgiveness Initiate
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Swedish girl living in Nagoya
Posts: 5,015
BIG thanks to all of you who is giving us your great translations!
I really like the meaning of this song. I do enjoy Microphone more, yet these lyrics makes me think a bit.
__________________

[Video] Key ~eternal tie ver.~_______LJ Blog________[Video] A History
[BIG SALE! Ayu CDs/DVDs/Goods/Ayupans and more!]
AHS married to Maro
~13/1-2010~

Spoiler:
We had such a nice time. We started dating in t2m PV, took it slow you know, let our love grow. Then it got really serious in 2008. Then after AT2009 we moved in together. It was lovely. Then on AT2010 he asked me to marry him. He was such a sweet. And Ayu gave us our blessings. She was also such a sweet. Now me and Maro are such a sweets together. Aaaw, how time flies.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 29th March 2010, 10:18 AM
oji-i-san's Avatar
oji-i-san oji-i-san is offline
Depend on you Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 178
^
Thanks for reading our translations


Quote:
Originally Posted by appears View Post
1 so, in this case, you can use ”side” to display characteristics... and if you are not satisfied with 'unattractive' i would suggest 'ugly', which not only refers to physical but also mental traits, i.e 'it's my ugly side, which i hold so dear to me' etc...

3 this does not sound like natural english... firstly because of the previous sentence, this one must also be in the conditional tense, but furthermore i don't think it's best to directly translate this, rather to colloquialise into -nothing would excite me [enough]- as excite also conveys the process stimulation...



1 it's true, but いくらか can also have the meaning of やや, no? which is -a little / some-... somewhat sounds quite literary to me

3 i checked your link, but it didn't come up with carry a torch... in japanese it's differentですよ…
口語~ (…に)《片思ひの》恋をする[して悩む];(…のために)忠誠を尽くす, 運動をする
is -to carry a torch-... one translation of [mune wo kogasu] means to be consumed by something, in the context of this song, "stimulation" / excitement...
I'm happy that we can discuss like this.

1. How does "It is embarrassing things that I feel dear" sound?


2. It's true that "いくらか" is very similar to "やや". Well, now I feel "If I stay here, it may be easy a little" sounds ok/fine though I still feel slight difference of nuance from the original lyrics.

Now I think we have these candidates:

"If I stay here, it may be easy a little"
"If I stay here, it may be easier"
"If I stay here, it may be some easy" <= Is this natural???
"If I stay here, it may be somewhat easy" <= I prefer this, especially if the original lyrics is "幾らか", not "いくらか"

My image of "幾らか/いくらか" is "to some extent, but not sure about how much".


3. The point is that "胸を焦がす" is a kind of fixed expression for feeling of love and longing. "Carry a torch for" is also a phrasal expression and I thought it has a meaning near to that of "胸を焦がす", doesn't it???

If you want to use "consumed with", I think it would be like
"but there'll be no exciting things (or stimulus) I'm consumed with". But I think the word images of "consume" and "焦がす" are too different.

If we say "but there'll be nothing which excites me", it's correct and natural, but I'm afraid we'll lose a poetic impression of ayu's original lyrics.

My image of "胸を焦がす" is "my heart is secretly on fire for love/longing".

ok, mine is here and I'm waiting for any comments again
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 29th March 2010, 10:35 AM
masa masa is offline
Free & Easy H-Initiate
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Tokyo
Posts: 901
Quote:
Originally Posted by oji-i-san View Post
My image of "胸を焦がす" is "my heart is secretly on fire for love/longing".
I know that usually this phrase "mune o kogasu" is used for the feeling of love. But it isn't in this song. She is using this with broader meaning. That's why I chose the word, "enthusiastic".
Reply With Quote
  #51  
Old 29th March 2010, 10:50 AM
oji-i-san's Avatar
oji-i-san oji-i-san is offline
Depend on you Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by masa View Post
I know that usually this phrase "mune o kogasu" is used for the feeling of love. But it isn't in this song. She is using this with broader meaning. That's why I chose the word, "enthusiastic".
haha, I know your point.
I'm talking about original image of that phrase. I feel it's interesting ayu combined this phrase with "刺激 / shigeki" (and this combination isn't very strange because the feeling of longing has a broader meaning than love). I'm trying to think how I can convey this impression. Maybe we can have some candidates and leave them to readers.


EDIT: If we want to use enthusiastic, how about these?
"but there'll be no stimulus which makes me enthusiastic"
"but there'll be no stimulus I'm (or can be) enthusiastic for"
(I know these two convey different meanings and both of them are less-colloquial, though ...)
__________________

Last edited by oji-i-san; 29th March 2010 at 12:26 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 29th March 2010, 05:02 PM
appears's Avatar
appears appears is offline
Connected Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: 獨逸
Posts: 2,370
Quote:
Originally Posted by oji-i-san View Post
haha, I know your point.
I'm talking about original image of that phrase. I feel it's interesting ayu combined this phrase with "刺激 / shigeki" (and this combination isn't very strange because the feeling of longing has a broader meaning than love). I'm trying to think how I can convey this impression. Maybe we can have some candidates and leave them to readers.


EDIT: If we want to use enthusiastic, how about these?
"but there'll be no stimulus which makes me enthusiastic"
"but there'll be no stimulus I'm (or can be) enthusiastic for"
(I know these two convey different meanings and both of them are less-colloquial, though ...)
i agree that it would be good to keep her original poetry as much as we can...
regarding the 幾等か question, i find 'slightly' is a better translation than 'somewhat', what do you think?

i found an interesting translation of 刺激の無き事 - lack of inspiration.
so if we substitute stimulus for inspiration, we can put "staying here might be slightly easier, but nothing would consume me with what i need to be inspired"
__________________

A Song for XY
煽動、戦争、懺悔、告解、欺瞞、謎、愛、そして別離…。


歩き続ける 唄い続ける 辛い現実が そこに待ってても 必ず行くよキミはきっと キズつきながら そして  悲しみながら 喜びながら 進むべき道は ひとつだから
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 29th March 2010, 05:11 PM
Minttulatte's Avatar
Minttulatte Minttulatte is offline
MY STORY Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Finland
Posts: 7,750
Even though I have heard this song just once, I've been in love with it ever since. <3 I love the lyrics, Ayu's vocals and the music. This song really caught my attention.
__________________

You can find me from these too:
~ Facebook
~ Instagram
~ AO3

Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 29th March 2010, 07:00 PM
oji-i-san's Avatar
oji-i-san oji-i-san is offline
Depend on you Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 178
^
^
mmm, "slightly" means "very little/small" and means it clearly, doesn't it?
I think "somewhat" has more amiguity, doesn't it? I feel "somewhat" is closer to "幾らか/いくらか".
Compared to "slightly", I think "a little" is better.
Currently I think "be somewhat easy" is my first choice and "be easy a little" is my second choice. Anyway this is just how I feel and I'm not sure the nuances of English words.

As for "consume" and "inspire", I still think images/impressions of these words are a little far from "胸", "焦がす", and "刺激", ...

If we try litral/poetic translation, these are my choicse:
"there'll be no stimulus which I carry a torch for"
"there'll be no stimulus which I can be enthusiastic for"
"there'll be no stimulus which makes me enthusiastic"

If we try free translation, I think
"there'll be nothing which excites me"
"nothing will excites me here"
are fine enough.

This is just how I feel, again.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 29th March 2010, 08:10 PM
appears's Avatar
appears appears is offline
Connected Initiate
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: 獨逸
Posts: 2,370
Quote:
Originally Posted by oji-i-san View Post
^
^
mmm, "slightly" means "very little/small" and means it clearly, doesn't it?
I think "somewhat" has more amiguity, doesn't it? I feel "somewhat" is closer to "幾らか/いくらか".
Compared to "slightly", I think "a little" is better.
Currently I think "be somewhat easy" is my first choice and "be easy a little" is my second choice. Anyway this is just how I feel and I'm not sure the nuances of English words.

As for "consume" and "inspire", I still think images/impressions of these words are a little far from "胸", "焦がす", and "刺激", ...

If we try litral/poetic translation, these are my choicse:
"there'll be no stimulus which I carry a torch for"
"there'll be no stimulus which I can be enthusiastic for"
"there'll be no stimulus which makes me enthusiastic"

If we try free translation, I think
"there'll be nothing which excites me"
"nothing will excites me here"
are fine enough.

This is just how I feel, again.
we could try a different tactic with ikuraka, and instead of using -slightly / somewhat- etc, put -i suppose it might be easier if i stay here- ??

dude, i can see you like this -carry a torch phrase- a lot no? but i'm afraid its not appropriate here... i put it in japanese before, it's more about feelings of unrequited love etc, and mune wo kogasu on it's own does not express this... (off-topic, but there is a similar phrase -to burn a candle for- which u might also like? )
so ok, what about -i suppose it would be easier if i stayed here,
but nothing would make me burn with excitement-
__________________

A Song for XY
煽動、戦争、懺悔、告解、欺瞞、謎、愛、そして別離…。


歩き続ける 唄い続ける 辛い現実が そこに待ってても 必ず行くよキミはきっと キズつきながら そして  悲しみながら 喜びながら 進むべき道は ひとつだから

Last edited by appears; 29th March 2010 at 08:11 PM. Reason: obscenely poor grammar... bad appears, bad boy *spank* blame it on sleep deprivation \(>_<)/
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 29th March 2010, 09:35 PM
Aditmi Krisnasaki ~II~'s Avatar
Aditmi Krisnasaki ~II~ Aditmi Krisnasaki ~II~ is offline
Dolls Initiate
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: MOON
Posts: 3,506
Wow, what a very very SHORT lyric.. o.O

but anyway, it's a nice and neat trnslation. Thanks masa!
__________________

Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another...

Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 30th March 2010, 04:57 AM
love in music's Avatar
love in music love in music is offline
(don't) Leave me alone Initiate
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 13,336
Thank you so much guys! I haven't loved the lyrics of one of her songs this much since I read the translation to "identity". Songs/lyrics like these remind me why I love her so much.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 30th March 2010, 05:00 AM
Lady_Eowyn's Avatar
Lady_Eowyn Lady_Eowyn is offline
too late Initiate
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Mirrorcle town searching for my last angel (Mexico)
Posts: 810
Thanks to Masa...

Thanks to Oji-san...

Thanks to appears...

For the awesome translations. You guys kick ass
__________________
I need a new signature lol xD


Quote:
Originally Posted by Yumsushi View Post
Maybe he has occasional feelings.


Ayu stans are Fugging scary.
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 30th March 2010, 05:29 AM
inspire_rmx's Avatar
inspire_rmx inspire_rmx is offline
ayu-ro mix 2 Initiate
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,994
interesting. love both microphone's and this lycris =)
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 30th March 2010, 05:39 AM
oji-i-san's Avatar
oji-i-san oji-i-san is offline
Depend on you Initiate
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Munich, Germany
Posts: 178
Quote:
Originally Posted by appears View Post
we could try a different tactic with ikuraka, and instead of using -slightly / somewhat- etc, put -i suppose it might be easier if i stay here- ??

dude, i can see you like this -carry a torch phrase- a lot no? but i'm afraid its not appropriate here... i put it in japanese before, it's more about feelings of unrequited love etc, and mune wo kogasu on it's own does not express this... (off-topic, but there is a similar phrase -to burn a candle for- which u might also like? )
so ok, what about -i suppose it would be easier if i stayed here,
but nothing would make me burn with excitement-
> i suppose it might be easier if i stay here

I feel "easier" is ok.
And I don't know if we need "i suppose" and I'd follow the word order of the original lyrics. So, my modified version would be like "if i stay here, it might be easier" though I miss the literal translation of "ikuraka". ^^;


> feelings of unrequited love, etc

I'm curious about "etc" here.
As a native Japanese, I'm sure the image of "mune wo kogasu" is something like "my heart is secretly on fire loving/longing something"
So, I'm curious if there is any English phrase which fits this image.


> to burn a candle for

Is it commonly used for the meaning I wrote above???


> i suppose it would be easier if i stayed here,
> but nothing would make me burn with excitement

It sounds natural. I like the second line if we try a free translation.

That's all for now. Please don't forget all of them are just how I feel!!
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
don't look back, hamasaki ayumi, masa, rock'n'roll circus, translation

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:10 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.