Ayumi Hamasaki Sekai - [Translation] Latest TA post [19th May 2017]

I know that Ayu just post this on TA, but I feel that everyone need to know about this. Not just her fans but everyone need to know how strong and dedicated she is.

Official English translation shared by truehappiness

Quote:

Dear TA(^_－)－☆

I'd like to talk about some things Tsuriko mentioned in her report on the tour website. She had to choose her words carefully as it's a public site, but here I can be more direct.

At the end of last year, my kneecap finally gave out after 6 years of problems. I decided to have it operated on as soon as the Countdown Live concerts were over, then undergo rehabilitation during the time off, and return to the stage later in the year without making things public until later on. I've always preferred to keep things like this to myself, and this was no exception. Hospital appointments were made, and a date set for the operation. I saw the New Year in happily, and the operation took place without incident.

Foolishly, I allowed myself to relax at that point.

I don't want to go into too much detail about the last few months, but suffice it to say that I'm still learning to live with my knee, day in day out. In all honestly I should probably stop performing on stage as I do, but that isn't something I am prepared to contemplate.

Just before this year's tour began I received a second blow - my hearing started to deteriorate further. My semicircular canals had blown, and I was experiencing crippling dizziness. I wasn't able to walk in a straight line, and was often reduced to vomiting in the restroom at the rehearsal studio. I tried to put a brace face on things, but was told after various hearing tests that my right ear (which had been working overtime to compensate for my deaf left ear) was weakening fast. I don't have a clear memory of my journey home after that. I just remember wondering how I, as a singer, would cope with two useless ears. Other than that, I was in darkness.

I've written a lot, but let me finish with this.

A certain somebody sent me a message on LINE at Yokohama Arena. It read as follows:

"You're the real deal, so pull yourself together! It makes us mad because we care about you. We all - every last one of us - want to be a part of your show!"

It was a slap in the face, but it brought me to my senses. Not out of any sense of responsibility or duty; but on a much deeper level, I managed to find myself. That night, I found my way back to being Ayumi Hamasaki.

The stage is where I belong. It's the only place I really, truly exist. I don't know anything else. There's no point in worrying about what lies ahead. I will keep listening, even if I can't hear. I will keep moving, evening if I can't move. I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I will hold my head high and keep going forward until my last breath.

Next is Yoyogi! I'm looking forward to seeing your smiles

ayu

Translated by Kelvin from AyuFreak (Indonesian Ayumi Hamasaki Community), sorry if the translation is not perfect, but it's so much better than just using online translator.

Quote:

By the end of last year, I have tried my best to hide the fact that my knee's condition has worsened for the whole of 6 years. Till today, I have not shared this issue to my family or even my best friends. My personality of sharing to everyone after I have made my decision and that after all, it is my issue, has never changed since last year. I have decided and wanted to say on last year's CDL "After this year's CDL, I will go for the operation and go for rehabilitation and quietly go back to my new stages." I rushed to make appointments with the hospital and went back to welcome the year of 2017 with everyone after deciding on the operation date. I was so stupid to think that I can relax after the operation. After that, the pain that I have been living with everyday is not something that I can describe in a word or two, so I do not plan to describe it in detail. After a few months, I am still passing the day by feeling my knees. However, I know that it is not the right way as if I want to say why, it is related to me leaving this stage.

Furthermore, during my tour, my ear worsened.Due to the rupture of my semicircular canal, I suddenly lost my balance. Sometimes, I can not even walk in a straight line. After that, although I managed to walk in a straight line, somehow I will stumble and fall. In general, it seems like as if I am performing in a drunken world. I have tried to vomit a few times in the studio's restroom. But, I always say to myself "I will not lose to you" and try to face it. Due to the face that I had a sudden heart pain, I went to get a check up on my ear. "Because I have lost my hearings on my left ear, I have been relying on my right ear. And your right ear has also worsened." Although I was still smiling like as usual after hearing the result, my mind went blank on my way back home after the check up. "Eh, both ear? am i still considered a singer?" was all on my mind

In the middle of the yokohama arena, someone contacted me through Line. This is what he/she wrote "because of the existence of love, it seems that you do not lose your temper easily. Because of your genuity, let's work hard one more time! we are the same like everybody, no matter who they are, I just want to stand in the middle of your stage that you made!" This word is like a slap to my face, made me wake up in an instant. This is not a responsibility, or a job. I want to get back to the Hamasaki Ayumi that everyone familiarize with.

to me, the stage is my everything.
This stage is the place where I survived.
Other than this, I cannot imagine where I can survive.
This is not the time where I think what my future holds.
Even if I lose my hearings, I will try to hear.
Even if I can't walk, I will try to walk.
Thank you so much but I do not need your sympathy and compassions!
Even till to the end of the limit, I will go forward to my goals with my heads up high!

I look foward to your smiles in the next Yoyogi Hall, Understood?