My 8 years with ayu...

[ZXKira]

My 8 years with ayu

The moment I got the news of her marriage, I just could not help crying. Though nearly one week has passed away, I could still remember that night, the first several hours of this new year. I was sitting in front of my laptop, pressing F5 button for her Twitter.

Though I know that she is already 32 years old, and I am really happy to see her smiling with her husband. But I still cannot accept this great change in both her life and my life, since she has already been an important part of my life.

I encountered one photo of her eight years ago in a newspaper of China. I thought "Wow this girl is cute. She looks just like a barbie girl." That day, I went to a CD shop nearby, and bought a casette tape of hers (in 2002, tapes were still popular among Chinese young people since a CD player was quite expensive). I can still remember that song: Voyage.
Upon the moment the melody of the intro hit my ears, I fell in love with that song that it remains one of my favourite ayu's songs till now.

This is my first time to be a fan of a star. And eight years have passed away, she still remains to be my favourite star. During the past eight years, I graduated from high school, got my bachelor's degree, and entered the graduate school. When I failed in the exams, her songs make me be confident again. Just as what she sings in SEASONS :" Kyou ga totemo kanashikute, Asu moshimo naiteitemo, Sonna hibimo attaneto, waraeru hi ga kurun darou..." Everytime I listen to SEASONS, I always feel a bright tomorrow is there waiting for me.
When I broke up with my EX, I turned to her songs. "You were..." makes me cry when I hear the lyrics of the chorus:" I once thought you were the last one for me. I once wanted to fall in love for the last time with you. What can I think of in such a cold night under the stars alone..." Nevertheless, she also encouraged me in "End roll": "Then I will start to move on. You will start to move on, too. Even if we will be apart ever since, light will shine for both of us..."

For the past eight years, you have been one of the most important part of my life. I could sing every song of yours though I don't quite know Japanese. I just cannot live without you.

Now that you said you have found the real love in your life. Just as one thread of a Japanese forum put:" We are not feeling bad towards her marriage. We just feel that she used to be ours, but she now belongs to that man..."
Maybe that is the feeling of every male fan of yours.

But I shall celebrate.
And I hope you will be happy with Manuel.

For me, I start to think that I may start to find my real love this year, and I wish I could succeed.

[dartsofpleasure]

LOL

[NeK Hamasaki]

Originally Posted by dartsofpleasure

LOL

indeed

[Jwiz]

Hey you guys are mean :|

ZXKira it's good to know that you are coping well with it. Since Ayu has already found her last angel, hopefully you will do so too.

[YuriChan]

I don't know if it sounds a bit selfish or what.. But either way, we'll all find love someday. (^_^)

[ExodusUK]

[emi♡]

As a straight female, I cannot comprehend.

[AyUmIXx]

wowww bravo fanboy!
keep loving ayu! keep supporting ayu coz she'll always be with us!
i love this kind of fanboy!!

[Kazeyomi]

Your post ZXKira, make me sad.
As much you love totally a singer, he or she is still unreachable to you. Maybe you have idolize too much Ayu and maybe there is a girl like her, somewhere near you and you never saw her.
Dunno why, but you sounded less selfish than other fanboys who are butthurting about Ayu's marriage.

[Neko★munication]

Are people seriously responding like that? Wooow. I always knew AHS had a bad rep, yet I can't help being surprised whenever I see members like you guys in action

Anyway, rude members aside, I can relate, to a degree. No matter how you look at it, it's a huuuge change, and anyone involved in Ayu (especially her long-time fans) are bound to be affected, emotionally, by seeing their idol get married. And especially when it's a marriage to a guy she met 4 months ago, who can't speak japanese, who she's not going to live with, and who she married at a chapel in Vegas. I don't think ZXKira sounds selfish or butthurt or anything - he said he's happy for her, but can't help but feel uncomfortable with the magnitude of this change. Which is totally understandable.

I'm glad you're taking it well, and I hope you still continue to support her I always love hearing how people got into Ayu or how much she's helped them over the years - that, I can definitely relate to. Luckily Ayu's not the type to leave us in the dust and put her new man before everything, so I think that'll help.

[love in music]

So, you thought you had a chance with her or something? That's good you're a big fan, but something like this shouldn't upset people to the point of making them cry.
I'm sorry though, the way this was written just made me laugh.. it sounds so serious and dramatic.

"I could still remember that night, the first several hours of this new year. I was sitting in front of my laptop, pressing F5 button for her Twitter."

[Chibi-Chan]

Originally Posted by dartsofpleasure

LOL

Originally Posted by NeK Hamasaki

indeed

^That's also all that comes to my mind when I read those things. Sometimes I think that people create those storys because it's fun to read the reactions of others.

[oneheart]

Originally Posted by ExodusUK

+1

Well fans come in all shapes and paellas...

Anywho, you'll get through it! Don't worry about it

[channy]

I won't be sad, because Mannie married Ayu, and not the producers and awesome DJ's, that are doing a big part of the whole job. Anyways. I can understand that for you, this marriage is kind of a break up for your phantasies. Because with Mannie on her side, her previous role as a lonely being has come to an end.

I once wrote something similar, that I would much rather like it to see her, continue being alone, because it just fits so much into that melancholic Ayu-feeling I had for many years. I just got several hate-anthems then, from some children on here. Just like you are getting them now.

Ignore them. And thanks for your story, as I said, I can understand your thoughts.

[ayumimylove]

Well c´mon! don´t worry, because they will be divorced in a couple of years and then we will have an AMAZING depressive album LOL

[koumori]

Lol, AHS members.

IMO, I think it's a big thing to be honest, completely, about how you felt. It's easy for people to be all "SUPAH KAWAII PHOTOS AYU SO HAPPEH!!11", but some fans DID feel that they could totally relate to her etc. We all knew this. So when someone actually says they went through the emotions of accepting it and wishing her happiness after the intial shock, I'm kinda disappointed in members for making fun of them; but whatever rly

I think it's good that you've at least, accepted it.

[Neko★munication]

^ This. It's really disgusting how people are made fun of here for being honest, especially when ZXKira wasn't even acting like some unhinged delusional stan at all :\

[Misa-chan]

Originally Posted by Koumori

Lol, AHS members.

IMO, I think it's a big thing to be honest, completely, about how you felt. It's easy for people to be all "SUPAH KAWAII PHOTOS AYU SO HAPPEH!!11", but some fans DID feel that they could totally relate to her etc. We all knew this. So when someone actually says they went through the emotions of accepting it and wishing her happiness after the intial shock, I'm kinda disappointed in members for making fun of them; but whatever rly

I think it's good that you've at least, accepted it.

Don't worry ZXKira. It's normal to feel shock and keep pressing that F5 button for her Twitter. Come on, your biggest idol just announced her marriage, I bet half the forum was doing the same thing too...

And I guess I can relate to your love "problems". I had my first break-up the same time ayu did with Nagase, and I suppose that was the time I really bonded with ayu. It was during the time glitter/fated was released, and it really did feel like my life changed from glitter-->fated in one second lol.

Yea anyway, I have to admit I've felt a great connection with ayu these recent years because we're all single ladies, and I did feel more than a little shock when she fell in love and got married before we even knew anything lol. But oh well, that marriage did encourage me too. I didn't believe there's just a thing as "your fated partner", but ayu makes me change my view a little lol.

Haha I guess some people will laugh and say that ayu has too much unnecessary influence on me. But oh well, she's helping me make the most out of my life, and I'm proud of that!

So yeah, good luck in your search for love~

[pommy48]

Aww that was sweet~ I felt like you did at one time, but just less strongly. It just feels like there's just a part of Ayu that feels like it belongs to us? Us as in the fans, but I still think that part will belong to us~ Ayu loves Mannie, but her love for music will never go away!

[NeK Hamasaki]

Originally Posted by oneheart

+1

Well fans come in all shapes and paellas...

Anywho, you'll get through it! Don't worry about it