[Translation] Hamasaki Republic (partial translation)

[tenshi no hane]

I got the translation itch and I don’t think Hamasaki Republic has ever been translated? I translated a few questions which stood out to me (i.e. this isn’t the whole thing).

Hamasaki Republic is a Ayumi Hamasaki magazine released in 2002 (Free & Easy era) with Jeanne d’Arc as theme.

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Q: Have you ever thought about suicide?
Ayu: No.

Q: Are you someone who could die for love?
Ayu: I’m not. This isn’t about love, but… Although I’ve never thought “I want to die”, I did think “Am I going to die?” once. I was a key-child* when I was young. There’d be no one in the house and I would have the key in a necklace around my neck. One day, when I came home and tried to open the door, I realized the key was gone. But it was getting dark, so I decided to break a window to get inside. I wondered what I should use. I wanted to break the glass with a chair in the garden, but I was too small and couldn’t lift the big chair. I got scared of staying outside and decided to just punch the glass with my hand. I punched it and the window broke. But a piece of glass slashed my wrist and the blood just kept coming. Alone in the house, applying pressure to try and stop the bleeding, I was afraid I was going to die. That experience was really frightening. I still have a scar. That’s why I don’t think I’d be able to cut my wrists.

T/N: *A child who carries the house key to let themselves in because their parents aren’t home (working, etc.) Remember, Ayu’s father left when she was very little, leaving her mother to raise Ayu on her own.

~

Q: Your way of living, is it revenge on something?
Ayu: Maybe in the past it was? Yeah. Not anymore.

Q: What were you taking revenge on?
Ayu: My mother.

Q: Why did your revenge stop?
Ayu: I don’t know why it stopped. I no longer do such things.

Q: Did you become able to understand your mother’s feelings?
Ayu: I think there was always a part of me that wanted to get back at my mother who was never mother-like. But one day I suddenly realised “She’s a woman”. She’s someone who should always be a woman, not a mother. That made me feel lighter. […] In the past, I would rush out of the house if my mother and her boyfriend were home. That feeling has completely disappeared nowadays. Actually, I’ve started asking things like “What’s he doing today?” and “Are you alone today?” She’s really cute when I do that. I think it’s really cute when she’s like “You know, yesterday, listen listen” the day after she’s seen him.

Q: But would you say things like that to your child, if you ever have one?
Ayu: I doubt it (laughs).

~

Q: What is money to you?
Ayu: Often, adults talk as if having no money is a problem and having money is no problem. I think that’s a lie. Not having a penny is a problem of course, but I’m not scared of going back to that. I think having too much money is scarier. Much scarier. I feel like everything will stop making sense.

Q: You’ll become able to buy anything you want. What’s wrong with that?
Ayu: You’ll become numb, won’t you? Because you’ll be able to obtain everything that can be bought with money. It’s really scary if that becomes normal to you.

~

Q: What do the songs you’ve made mean to you?
Ayu: It’s a love-hate relationship.


Q: Song and money are in no way connected in your mind, are they?
Ayu: Songs and money? They’re not.

~

Q: Do you have any female friends with who you can share your true feelings?
Ayu: I do.

Q: What condition do they need to fulfil?
Ayu: They need to be able to say “no” to me.

~

Q: What if someone you love wants you to quit your work?
Ayu: I’ll quit that person (laughs).

Q: Do you think there will ever be someone for who you won’t mind giving up your work, if it makes them happy?
Ayu: No, you can’t compare loving people and creating things.

~

Q: What does marriage mean to you?
Ayu: I think that the family you create through your marriage and the family in which you were born hold different meanings. My current family — it consists of only me and my mother, though — isn’t a family which I created intentionally, right? Because I was born into an existing family. But marriage is a family which I make myself. Sometimes I think about how, if my mother dies, there will no longer be anyone in this world who is related to me by blood.

~

Q: What do you hate about yourself?
Ayu: There are many things I hate.

Q: But you love yourself, right?
Ayu: I’ve never thought that way, like, I hate this part of me and I like this part. In any case, I know my feelings can really go up and down…

Q: Do you like that part of you?
Ayu: There are days when I do and days when I don’t. There are days when the rise-and-fall is comfortable and days when it feels bad.

~

Q: What do you want to obtain? Something which you haven’t obtained even in your current position. Do you want to obtain eternity?
Ayu: (laughs) I want something which never ever changes.

~

Q: What do you never want to lose, even if in your position?
Ayu: Love, I guess? It’s in everything.

Q: You mean an universal love, right? For example, also love towards animals.
Ayu: Yes.

~

Q: Are you lonely?
Ayu: Yes.

Q: Is it a crumbling loneliness?
Ayu: No, it’s not crumbling, but I do feel loneliness.

Q: Your lover doesn’t make it go away?
Ayu: There are times when it doesn’t go away no matter who I’m with, even my lover or precious friends. I don’t try to force it away at times like that.

~

Q: This is a Jeanne d’Arc themed question. Do you have anything from the past which you’d want to confess?
Ayu: Not going to my grandmother’s funeral.

Q: Why didn’t you go? You couldn’t?
Ayu: Her funeral was on the day of the recording of my debut single.

Q: You couldn’t go, huh. It’d be hard to go.
Ayu: But Masa* told me to go. He said “Go right now”.

Q: To go after finishing the recording, you mean?
Ayu: No. I had kept quiet about it. I kept it quiet and went to the recording. I think he must’ve heard it from someone else. He said, “What are you doing!? Go, quickly.” But I didn’t go.

T/N: *Max Matsuura. Her producer and CEO of avex group. He scouted her.

~

Q: Do you have a lot of savings?
Ayu: I really have no interest in such things.

Q: Who manages your savings?
Ayu: My mother.

Q: So you’ve never thought about creating an independent office in order to make more money?
Ayu: I haven’t.

Q: You may go independent for more freedom, but you’re not the type of person to do it for money, right?
Ayu: True. I often say that I hate my company (avex). And that I hate my office’s president. He once told me, “Don’t go around saying you hate me all the time” (laughs). But if I really hated them, I wouldn’t say it aloud. It’s a “damn it, I love you so much it’s frustrating” kind of hatred. So, I might say this and that about my company and president, but I do love them. […] My managers — I have three — are really cool. You could say they’re “artist idiots”. I’m sorry, but they’re really, really cool. How they live. The chief is a woman and the other two are men. I spend more time with those two in a day than with my friends or my lover. I can’t imagine a day without them. They support me in everything, mentally too. And the chief manager, if I had to describe what she is to me… If there’d ever be a time when I quit this work for something other than personal circumstances, it’d be because I wasn’t able to work with her anymore. That’s how important she is to me. […] I’m really proud of my staff. Even those who’ve had to quit for various reasons are my treasure. I’ll start crying if I say any more, so I’ll stop now (laughs).

[YUKARI]

^ wow, thank you so much!

today it sounds sad...

Q: What if someone you love wants you to quit your work?
Ayu: I’ll quit on that person (laughs).

Maybe this happened to Nagase Tomoya?

Q: You’ll become able to buy anything you want. What’s wrong with that?
Ayu: You’ll become numb, won’t you? Because you’ll be able to obtain everything that can be bought with money. It’s really scary if that becomes normal to you.

Q: What does marriage mean to you?
Ayu: I think that the family you create through your marriage and the family in which you were born hold different meanings. My current family — it consists of only me and my mother, though — isn’t a family which I created intentionally, right? Because I was born into an existing family. But marriage is a family which I make myself. Sometimes I think about how, if my mother dies, there will no longer be anyone in this world who is related to me by blood.

[Uknow!]

This interview makes me sad, I don't know why

Thank you, Tenshi!

[tenshi no hane]

I only translated the parts which I felt touched topics she hasn't discussed elsewhere and those were mainly the sad ones Don't worry, it's not like the entire interview was sad.

[AyuWorld]

Omg so true, I feel like crying 1 litre of tears now >___>

Especially when she talked bout her mother, marriage and her loneliness. Ayu

I hope shes happy nowadays

But woah somehow her mother is the one who manages her savings! Like wow Ive never thought bout that like no haha

2002, 3 managers, 2017, 7 managers

[EndOfTheWorld]

I can never get enough translations. They make me so happy.
Interesting questions here for sure. It interesting to hear Ayu talk about her mother this way. Their relationship seems to be much better now.
A lot of her answers remind me of my own feelings.

[LONJJONG]

Thank you!

Love this interview.

[primavera♥]

Wow, thank you. It's really interesting reading this and just thinking about all of her actions from then until now.

[Refix]

Thanks for the translation. I kinda feel knowing Ayu much better. About her loneliness, her decision making, about marriage and family, about her point of view over wealthy.

[xLuna&1LOVE]

Thank you for the translation, tenshi. I wonder if she still feels this way, regarding her bad luck in her love-life (and has her relationship with her mother improved anyhow?). I wish Ayu the best in her life and I hope she will find the right person. I have so much respect for this woman; how she always - always moved on, no matter what. Also, it was not really news, but Ayu recording her debut-single, knowing she will miss out on her grandmother's funeral is the most heartbreaking decision I have ever read about.

One question tenshi, the first question 'Have you ever thought about suicide?' Is that really, really the first question of this interview. I know the rates in Japan are unfortunately very high, but still I find it so... uncommon to ask.

[tenshi no hane]

You're welcome, y'all

Originally Posted by xLuna&1LOVE

One question tenshi, the first question 'Have you ever thought about suicide?' Is that really, really the first question of this interview. I know the rates in Japan are unfortunately very high, but still I find it so... uncommon to ask.

It's not. Like I said, I only translated the questions which intrigued me the most.

The book actually has 2 long interviews (which are more like conversations because the interviewer talks a lot too) and then there's a section with questions. I only translated part of the questions section.

[xLuna&1LOVE]

^ Not that I want to ask you to translate everything, (it is nice in Holland, so I assume you want to enjoy the nice weather too haha), but do you have any idea why the interviewer asked Ayu that particular question? Is it related to themes in her music?

[tenshi no hane]

^ Well, the theme of the book is Jeanne d'Arc. Not exactly cheery and death-free They talk about a large range of topics, happy and sad ones. It ranges from "what's your type?" to "do you have anything to repent for?". I wouldn't read too much into it.

And like you said, Japanese society is no stranger to suicide. It might be a jarring question to you, but it's probably less so to a Japanese person.

[sitara]

thank you so much for the translation!! she's so candid, especially back then, i love it.

wish I could have all interviews from back then translated... so very insightful. (and her melancholic streak has always been alluring to me for some reason... maybe because that's nothing celebrities are usually very candid about? Idk...)

[Machiko]

Originally Posted by YUKARI

^ wow, thank you so much!

today it sounds sad...




Maybe this happened to Nagase Tomoya?

What do you mean? Wasn't it because Ayu simply fell out of love?

[koumori]

Thank you so much for this translation tenshi I always appreciate how much effort you go into giving these glimpses into her untranslated interviews.

[love in music]

Love that ayu was a badass since she was young, punching windows and all :p

Q: What if someone you love wants you to quit your work?
Ayu: I’ll quit that person (laughs).

Q: Do you think there will ever be someone for who you won’t mind giving up your work, if it makes them happy?
Ayu: No, you can’t compare loving people and creating things.

Love her answers here too. thanks so much for translating

[MeltingCORE]

Thank you for the translation!

[YUKARI]

Originally Posted by Machiko

What do you mean? Wasn't it because Ayu simply fell out of love?

wasn't it like nagase wanted her to end her career, marry him and be a housewife?

[pedronekoi]

Such an sensitive interview! Thank you for sharing this! <3

The chief manager she talked about is Mika Noguchi?